- 1
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Head, Shoulders, Knees, And Toes.
- 2
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Bird Is The Word
- 3
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Break Into Your House With A Kinko's Copy Card
- 4
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Chile Con Carne
- 5
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Don't Speak Spanish Very Well
- 6
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - ¿te Gustan Las Calamares?
- 7
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - ¿that Pretty Piñata?
- 8
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - A Hop, Skip, And A Jump Away
- 9
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - A Tribute To Wood
- 10
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Bagpipes
- 11
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Bismosquizimanitch Is My Name
- 12
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Center Ex Home/office Surge Supressor
- 13
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Choke On It, Hippie
- 14
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Churnin' Butter
- 15
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Coke Is It!
- 16
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Crazy Tequilla
- 17
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Dance, Dance, Like You've Never Danced Before
- 18
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Everybody Wang Chung Tonight?
- 19
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Exhausted Talent
- 20
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Fast Forward Through This Song
- 21
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Food Is Tasty
- 22
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - For The Trees
- 23
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Get Out Of My Car, And Stay Out!
- 24
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Get Up, Get Down, Get Crazy
- 25
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Hardcore Boy
- 26
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Hey Snoopy
- 27
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - How Do You Spell "maricones"?
- 28
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Am What I Am
- 29
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Can't Believe You Made It This Far
- 30
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Don't Care What Anyone Says, They Stole That Idea From Us!
- 31
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Love Living In The Suburbs
- 32
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Only Drink Water, Leave Me Alone, You Drunkard
- 33
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Only Want To Be With You
- 34
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Sold My Soul For A Cigarrette
- 35
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I Stopped Smoking, Now Give Me Back My Soul
- 36
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - I'll Kill You
- 37
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Ida
- 38
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Into The Sunset
- 39
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Itsy Bitsy Spider
- 40
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Kentucky Jones (part 2)
- 41
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Kentucky Jones (part 3)
- 42
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Kentucky Jones (part 4)
- 43
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Kentucky Jones In, "raiders Of The Lost Bark" (part 1)
- 44
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Kill Andrew With The Keyboard To My Computer
- 45
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Knight Rider
- 46
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Like To Play The Guitar
- 47
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Midnight Madness
- 48
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - My Life, For But A Glass Of Water
- 49
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - My Love, For But A Dollar
- 50
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - My Mother, For But A Glass Of Crazy Tequilla
- 51
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - My Name Is Mud
- 52
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Nectar Of The Gods
- 53
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Ode To Hootie
- 54
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Penchant For Penelope
- 55
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Pepe's Not Happy
- 56
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Petals Of Rose
- 57
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Pizza: It's Good
- 58
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Refridgerators
- 59
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Ride Like The Wind?
- 60
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Sandpaper Man, Part 1
- 61
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Sandpaper Man, Part 2
- 62
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Sandpaper Man, Part 3
- 63
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Son Of A Biscuit
- 64
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Son Of A Motherless Goat
- 65
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Sounds Good To Me
- 66
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Sounds Like A Bad Idea To Me
- 67
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Sounds Like A Load Of Dung To Me
- 68
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Spadowski And His Mop
- 69
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Spumous Erubescent Death
- 70
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Stop
- 71
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Stupid Is As Stupid Does
- 72
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - That's It, We Quit
- 73
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - That's My Name, Please Refrain From Wearing It Out
- 74
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - The Balad Of A Lonely Man, With A Chia Pet
- 75
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - The Call Of The Wind
- 76
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - The Night
- 77
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - The Pope Is Pissed
- 78
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - The Seventh Son's Seventh Son
- 79
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - The Tragedy Of The Carpet
- 80
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - The Truth About Jimmy Hoffa
- 81
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - There's Nothing Quite Like Jell-o
- 82
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - There's Nothing You Can Do To Stop Me From Eating Dirt
- 83
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - They Call Me Bisquatch
- 84
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - They Never Gave Boo-berry A Chance
- 85
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Tierra Del Mundo
- 86
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Trumpet Troubles
- 87
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Trumpet Troubles, Continued...
- 88
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Utopia
- 89
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - We Hate Hippies And Drugs
- 90
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - We'll Be Back, Chumps...
- 91
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - We're Gonna Be Rich
- 92
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - What Happened To Mr. T?
- 93
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - What, You're Still Listening? Turn Off The Turntable
- 94
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - When The Clock Sounds
- 95
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Why, Yes, I Would Like Another!
- 96
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Yeah, I Shot The Sheriff. What Are You Gonna Do About It, Tough Guy?
- 97
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Yo! A.l.e. Raps
- 98
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Your Mother!
Kentucky Jones (part 4)
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy.
Scene 4. Kentucky Jones arrives in the Heimlech Manure Mountains.
Kentucky: Ahhh, damn... that was a big climb...
Kid: Quit whining! You're supposed to be the hero!
Kentucky: Oh yeah! (manly cough) There's an entrance to the Bark Temple according to this map! Let's go kid!
Announcer: In the mountain now...
Kentucky: Ah, the Bark is down that way.
Kid: Wait! My father says that the Bark is guarded by a bunch of hippies!
Kentucky: Hippies? I HATE HIPPIES!
Muckraker: Hello again Doctor Jones...
(grabs Kid)
Kid: Let me go!
Kentucky: No! Not you again!
Muckraker: I believe I was supposed to kill you...
Carmen: NINE! Let's just get zee bark and get out of here!
Muckraker: Shutup or you die too. Now Jones, you die.
(shoots at Kentucky, but Carmen jumps in the way)
Carmen: Nine!
Kentucky: Carmen! No!
Muckraker: Fine, you get the Bark Jones! It's the only thing that can save her...
Carmen: Kentucky, please hurry!
Kentucky: Right!
Kid: Don't forget about the hippies! And watch your step! One wrong move and you'll fall thousands of feet to your death!
Kentucky: Now you tell me. Alright, let's do this Kentucky!
Announcer: Deeper into the caves
(Kentucky encounters some stoned hippies guarding the bark)
Hippies: Whoah... Man... yeah... dude....
(kentucky almost falls of a ledge)
Kentucky: Whoah! God Damn, that was close...
Hippies: Bark, Bark a load man!
Kentucky: Uh, I need that bark you God Damned hippies.
Hippies: Shutup, hatebreeder! Peace man! It's the only way!
Kentucky: Uhhh... ooopsy!
(shoves all the hippies off the ledge)
Hippies: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh duuuuuude!
Kentucky: Fuckin hippies... god damnit.... ALRIGHT! I'VE GOT THE BARK!
Kid: (yelling) HURRY BACK! CARMEN'S ALMOST DEAD!
Kentucky: (running) I'm coming Carmen! I'm Coming!
Carmen: (crying) KENTUCKY!!!
Kentucky: (returns) Here... Oh god, eat this bark. It'll save you...
(Carmen eats the bark and grumbles...)
(a shot is heard)
Muckraker: My lieben!
Kentucky: What the!? Who killed Muckraker!?
Kid: FATHER!
Kid's Father: Yes! It's me! I see you found my bark!
Kentucky: Two things. Alright, first of all, this bark isn't working. Secondly, NICE SHOT MAN! You nailed Muckraker!
Kid's Father: Thank you! But she's going to die anyway you stupid white man imperialist!
Kentucky: What!? But I gave her the Lost Bark!!!
Kid's Father: Yeah? So? I never said it had any special powers. It was just lost!
(Carmen Dies...)
Kid's Father: See? You imbecile!
Kentucky: Oh well, let's leave these two dead Nazi's alone. It's time to get back to the USofA
Kid: (crying) Kentucky... You're my hero!
Kentucky: (chuckles) Ahhh sure kid... sure!
Announcer: Stay tuned. Same time, next tape! For Kentucky Jones' new and exciting adventure in "The Quest For The Holy Pail"!
All Actors: Yeah! Wooo Hooo! We're done! That was great! Alright! Saawing Batter! hooo hoo hoo!
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