Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
My lovely auntie lil took our bus inspector bill
Into her bedroom and, with great annoyance, said
Outside our house, you've put a stop
And all the passengers on top
Can look in and see my husband and me in bed
He said: You're joking
She said: You'll see
Just lie down on the bed with me
So, he laid down with her to avoid more fuss
Her old man came in and saw 'em, but bill kept his decorum
He said: It's alright, I'm just waiting for a bus
The early morning mist
The first time that we kissed outside the churchyard
Some words of wisdom spoken by
A gentleman whose face was old and lined
The swiftly fading memory of a song
That we used to sing as children
These are the things you'll find among
The ashes of the dustbins of your mind
Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
On an outing by the sea, two old men sat near to me
Took off their boots for a paddle by the pier
One of them said
You rotten swine
Your feet are dirtier than mine
He said: Of course they are, I didn't come last year
And on the sea wall by the sand, a boy was holding in his hand
A cornet he bought from the cafeteria
He dropped it down a lady's neck, and she 'ollered
Bloomin' 'eck!
That seagull must've flown in straight from siberia
Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
When charlie passed away, his young wife heard him say
I've been unfaithful to you many times, my dear
She said
Darling, never mind. In fact, I knew it all the time
That's why I put that arsenic in your beer
Old ted once took a fence – it was the one outside our gents
It was opened up officially last year
And it was christened by lord grey
People came from miles away
'Cause they'd heard tell that he was a liberal peer
Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee
Lah-dah-dah-dah
