1. 1

    Dane Cook - Abducted

  2. 2

    Dane Cook - Bathroom

  3. 3

    Dane Cook - Car Accident

  4. 4

    Dane Cook - Don't Tickle Me!

  5. 5

    Dane Cook - Fireman & Policeman and Mini Putt Security Guard

  6. 6

    Dane Cook - Five Sisters

  7. 7

    Dane Cook - Forward

  8. 8

    Dane Cook - Fuk And The Finga

  9. 9

    Dane Cook - I'll Never Be You

  10. 10

    Dane Cook - Intro

  11. 11

    Dane Cook - Itchy asshole

  12. 12

    Dane Cook - Just Wanna Dance

  13. 13

    Dane Cook - Not So Kool-aid

  14. 14

    Dane Cook - Operation - Monopoly

  15. 15

    Dane Cook - Parking Structure

  16. 16

    Dane Cook - Pregnant Lady

  17. 17

    Dane Cook - Simon Said

  18. 18

    Dane Cook - Slip 'N' Bleed

  19. 19

    Dane Cook - Speak'n'spell

  20. 20

    Dane Cook - Superpowers

  21. 21

    Dane Cook - The BK Lounge

  22. 22

    Dane Cook - Tire in The Face

  23. 23

    Dane Cook - Umm, Hello?

  24. 24

    Dane Cook - Would You Rather...

Bathroom

Dane Cook

Had to use a public restroom today... ugh.
Isn't that the worst when you have to?
Godamnit... you j walk in, right. Here's the first thing, I don't care.
Anywhere in the country you go, why when you walk into a public restroom.
Why is everything fucking wet! Right, there's puddles,
Water all over the counter. It's dripping like you're in a fucking cave.
What happened? Was there like a shaggy dog in there after a bath?
Just came in and-.

Then god forbid you have to use the stall, right.
You go in there, you sit down, you try to close the door which
Apparently Van Dam kicked in.
Why are they all broken? Who was running in the bathroom
Like I gotta shit? *pound* I can't shit with a door in front of me!
*punch*
Fucking door! I don't like being in a perfect square when I shit.
*punch*
Good. Broken. I like that. Now I can... shit.
*punch*
Door...

Then you're sitting there, right.
And then you start to read... you start reading like all the most evil
Ignorant shit ever is all around you! You just sit there.
It's not just written with pencil, it's fucking CARVED!
Who is carving on the toilet?
Who is so pissed off while they're taking a crap they're like...
*fart*
Goddamn Jews!
*fart*
UGH Blacks!
*fart*
UGH! Here's my favorite too, on the walls someone always has to write...
Mike was here. But then somebody else puts an arrow and writes
Mike is a faggot.
Like Mike is coming back to check it out...
What the fuck is this? I was here but not as a faggot!
I'm trying to make a statement here.
There's always like a girls number, always a girls number.
Is anybody ever fucking call!...
How did you meet you're wife John?... I was taking a crap...

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