At the KOC Local 313
 
 There's a fat man standing by the soda machine
 
 And he knows, he knows, he knows
 
 Life can be funny
 
  
  He calls the hair salon says put Loretta on
 
 Cause the mall just called and said the last guy's gone
 
 And I know, I know, God knows
 
 We need the money
  
 
 And he's a big red cherry
 
 But it's hard to be merry
 
 When the kids are all laughing
 
 Saying hey it's Jerry Garcia
 
 Ain't he cute?
 
 The man in the Santa suit
  
 
 And all the Moms in town bring their brats around
 
 And they can't sit still or keep their rootbeer down
 
 Now it's up, hey how 'bout that
 
 It looks like a milkshake
  
 
 Now Jimmy's grown this year says Mommy quick come here
 
 Santa's sweaty and he smells like beer
 
 And he says, kid shut your mouth
 
 You give me a headache
  
 
 And he's jolly and hairy
 
 But it's hard to be merry
 
 When the guys at the bar
 
 Say he looks like a fairy
 
 But he's doing it just for the loot
 
 The man in the Santa suit
  
 
 [break] verse x2
  
 
 And he's a big red cherry
 
 He's jolly and hairy
 
 Everyone's laughing, but he doesn't care
 
 He stays cool
 
 Ain't he cute?
 
 The man in the Santa suit
  
 
 [fade out with intro]