Yes I'm Serious

My greatest fear is mediocrity
I wanna be the shit
Colostomy
That bitch
Ferocity
That drip
Viscosity
Nobody's fucking property
Kiss my pale white butt – my philosophy
Bobby fischer prodigy, I'm homer on an odyssey
Statistically unlikely, still I might be the anomaly
Smiling but I'm sad, the dichotomy
If you got some stupid shit to say then don't talk to me

Experts abound, but they're all selling doo doo
Bamboozled on YouTube, that man's not a guru
The paycheck on Friday, you already blew through
To finance some diamonds and scoop up a miu miu
Like new shoes a voodoo
Might undo the cuckoo
Your vid gets a few views
Could patch up the boo-boos
Of childhood rejection and after school boo-hoos
Capitalism, religion, the virtue
Spandex and amex and xanax – my world view
4 AM benihana, that's my curfew
Jumbo prawns, perignon oxymorons
Isn't it funny that pleasure can hurt you?

People tell me I'm resilient
But lord knows I would love to show my feelings
I would love to explode onto the ceiling
Jackson pollock, paint peeling
I would love to fuck off, say I'm dealing with some shit
Like I don't get that everybody's dealing with some shit
Like my struggle is unique, neat
White girl, dead alcoholic dad, scared to repeat
The cycle of vodka, nauseous, the awful process
Of top of the class to no options, jobless
Of scrambling thoughts till your head's an omelet
Of following thomas submit to chaos

With the privilege of middle-class fear
Plus internalized hate, 'cause I'm queer
Plus I really wanna have that beer
I guess the enemy's the face in the mirror
But there's a tiny little spark in my heart
I blow on it to to see if there's a fire to start
The highest power's the nth degree
That is both infinite and imaginary

So don't worry about God
She's smoking cocaine at a bus stop
She's putting rogaine on a bald spot
She's feeling no shame in a crop top
She's loves gandhi and pol pot
She condones zoloft
She giveth more when you scream: No más
She told me once in the back of a tour bus
The highest highs might really be the low spots

I'm sitting on a toilet in Germany
I'm brimming with shit and uncertainty
I'm skimming a novel I purchased in France
But I don't parlez-vous, so it's not making sense
Aujourd'hui, maman est morte
I'm trying to comfort myself with chic decor
While I absorb the force of foreign art imports
While feeling deep remorse for all the days of yore
I guess it's par the course

I'm trying to undo the stinging of my suburban upbringing
I feel the venom, it sinking into my veins, I've been drinking the kool-aid
Flutes, they keep clinking, celebrities, they keep winking
But I've been licking it up
Touché
So easy to be tempted
Hypocrites all act defensive
Better see my name in your motherfucking mentions
Say I want no pics but all the attention

Yes I'm serious, half deaf furious
Wet eyes blurry, it's got me worrying
Not my sturdiest, check my verbiage
Groundhog day, feel so bill murray-ish
Yes I'm serious
Yes I'm serious

So sick and tired of all this self sabotage
Eyeliner, punk rock, and black boots – my camouflage
I wanna go back to cartwheels and santa claus
Forget my regrets and package my baggage up
I want it all solved in two days like amazon
Tried to escape from my mind like it's azkaban
Wasted but didn't crash, I felt the hand of God
Ripple effects hard to tell what the damage was
Really I feel like I'm feeling the feelings
Of my inner child who's been pounding the ceiling
Repeatedly asking for reasons and soothing
So I found a bottle and covered the bruising
But I was confusing a numbness for comfort
Abandoned myself when I slipped under cover
Surrendering limits but longing for structure
Developing habits and lusting for hunger

Selling out packed shows and missing my mother
Smiling at assholes and feeling outnumbered
Withering back bone the pressure was crushing
My spirit exploding, the faint scent of sulfur
Kept hollowing out, but see, I was the vulture
Kept losing myself, but see, I'm the abductor
Kept chasing the pain, feeding the ulcer
Said: Fuck this whole place, but see, I built the culture

Yeah, I build the culture
Yeah, I build the culture
Yeah, I build the culture