Chorus: Pity the poor night porter When the band comes to town Calling for refreshments Ham and Cheese all round Pity the poor night porter When the road crew comes in Calling for refreshments Whisky, beer and gin He's sleeping in the corner Hoping that the bell won't ring It's been ringing for an hour He can't hear a thing His ears are stopped, his nose is blocked The heating's up to high The window sills are all nailed up The air is bone dry
Chorus
He's a quiet man in a quiet suit Well liked by his friends A man that never borrows And a man that never lends Five kids in rented digs Alice for a wife He took a job at night To earn a quiet life
Chorus
No lift, late shift Working overtime No tip, all lip Tacky pantomime Two stars no bars Prohibition comedy He'd give you anything you want But the waiter took the key
