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Free and Stronger

Mc Gaivota

Since I was little, I felt something I couldn't explain
Repressed desires that made me cry in pain
They always told me loving a boy was wrong
Hiding magazines, keeping secrets too long
I asked myself: Why did God make me so wrong?
As a child, I went to church with my mom
Thinking that would be a safe space for me
But I was wrong (yeah, I was so wrong)

I was a different child through the church's eyes
Delicate ways, soft voice, and gentle vibes
To those people, I was just another little gay boy, they'd say
So I had to start hiding right away
Watch my hands, walk like a man, don't act that way
Speak deeper, change my posture
You must become a real man someday

I tried to change who I was
Followed what the church folks said I must
And by the end of the day
I'd cry, I'd feel ashamed
So many abuses that I faced
My mind was breaking, I was afraid
I prayed to God for forgiveness
For something I had no control over
The pain I felt was like no other

Only God knows how hard I tried to change
How many nights I cried in silent pain
Thinking that I was wrong
When all along
I just needed to let go
And tell them all to fuck off

I always felt I was living a lie
Broken inside, with no love in sight
In a place that kept trying to erase me
In a faith that only suffocated me
But sadly, I couldn't leave
It was a daily fight
An inner war I didn't need
I hid myself, trying to be someone else
When in truth, I never had to prove
Anything to anyone (screw you all)

Today, I'm stronger than I thought I'd be
I'm freer than I ever believed
I found real love
Discovered my worth
And now I live
Without fear of
Being who I truly am (a gay man)

As an adult, I started to preach
Saw young boys with tears on their cheeks
One came to me asking for a prayer
And I felt God's love in the truth he shared
When I held him, I could feel his pain
But in that moment, only love remained
I saw that God is love, not hate
That day, my eyes opened wide
I started accepting myself inside
It was a daily journey, a healing path
He showed me I didn't need to hold the wrath
I left the church, said no more to suppression
And finally found peace and self-expression

Now I live free
No more hiding me
I met an amazing man who helped me grow (I love you, babe)
The journey was hard, but I made it through
Now I'm happy
No more shame
Thank you, God, for your healing and truth

Hey you, don't hide, don't live in the dark
There's a greater love that lights your heart
One that won't judge, that loves you as you are
We are His children, each a shining star
Don't bow to words of repression
Refuse to be another sad statistic
Life's meant to be lived with full acceptance
I am stronger than the chains they tried to bind
Freer than the judgment they left behind
I found love, I found the truth within
And now I live in peace, without fear
I have my family
My husband, my joy is real
And God still loves me
Thank you, Lord, for everything I feel

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