First on our famous tour
This broken board we’re driving toward-
I swore this paint had dried
Feel free to see our sewer!
Its flimsy grate can’t hold much weight
But seals the eels inside
Don’t let this wet
And slimy net
Of cobweb attach onto your face!
Beware! These stairs
Are terribly tilted
And built in the wrong place!
O shocks, engines dead! I guess today this will have to be a walking tour
Stay close and watch your feet
Cause something might attempt to bite them
Off. It’s awfully rare
Try not to breathe too deep
Cause something stinky
Black and inky’s
Fogging up the air!
Our old
Commode’s
Known to explode!
And so
You know
Our CEO
Was murdered gete last week
I'm just messing with you, he got killed ages ago
Huh, that's weird, the elevator's out of order
Looks like we'll have to take the dark creepy long way around
Look to the left and see
The broken beam our legal team
Demands be banned from view!
Steer clear of loose debris!
The wood’s so old, it’s mostly mold-
I'm told it holds like new!
Don’t sweat the threat
Of traps we’ve set
For man-eating vermin in our halls!
Excuse the ooze
That’s fused to the rafters
And plastered to the walls
Be careful as you pass
This mound of broken glass!
Don’t meddle with this pedal
It’ll expel toxic gas!
I'm legally required
To warn you that this wire
Can hold 3000 volts
And light your private parts on fire!
I'm sure you’re all aware
Don’t stick your face in there
The ratchet may just catch it
And then tear out all your hair
That’s why we had you sign
This line here to decline
All rights to litigation
And/or damages and fines
This here’s the Lost and Found
Where gloves and hats and giant bats
Are kept — except the bats
Don’t mind the grinding sound-
The soup cans crashed our trash compactor
And it’s jammed with rats!
Ignore this poorly
Programmed door-
The gift shop awaits us just inside!
I’ll admit a bit
Of doubt that we’d make it
Cause every group I’ve had
Has died!
Huh, where's Boris? Oh shoot, maybe you'll be ok
Let's keep this part of the tour to ourselves
