Now I don't mind if fifty thousand yobos pick[? beat?] me up outside a
 
 Football ground on a Saturday afternoon. I'll still come out fighting.
 
 D'you know why? You've seen me on television. I'm the lowest common
 
 Denominator. And this is all about your[yob?] culture. So welcome to jolly
 
 Ol' England! I'm the stand up comic.
 
  
  Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde
 
 And the followers of style say it's the latest thing
 
 And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
 
 And anyone who says different is a fuckin' antique
 
 And Noel Coward has become very hard[?]
 
 And the comic says "bollocks" and everybody laughs
 
 And that's that
  
 
 Style, I mean
 
 Never was much, never has been
 
 But the little bit that was was all that we had
 
 And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
 
 And that's that
  
 
 Jack the Lad has become Fancy Dan
 
 And creating agro[?] culture with a rub-on tan
 
 And all the tearaways[?] have got savior faire
 
 And the working class hero's got a tinted hair[?]
 
 And a well-spoken hero from a yesteryear
 
 Walks out onto a stage and they all shout "queer!"
 
 And that's that
  
 
 Manners, I mean
 
 Never was much, never has been
 
 But the little bit that was was all that we had
 
 And now the clown does a fart and we all fart back
 
 And that's that
  
 
 Stand up, stand up
 
 Can you hear me at the back?
 
 All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row
 
 And the comic shouts
 
 And we all shout back
 
 And the mob says "follow" so we go
  
 
 Stand up, stand up
 
 Can you hear me at the back?
 
 All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row
 
 And the comic shouts
 
 And we all shout back
 
 And the mob says "follow" so we go
 
 And that's that
  
 
 What do you think of it so far?
 
 I knew you'd say that
 
 You've been watching too much television
 
 Together now!
  
 
 Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde
 
 And the followers of style say it's the latest thing
 
 And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
 
 And anyone who says different is an antique
 
 And Noel Coward has become very odd[?]
 
 And the comic says "bollocks" and everybody laughs
 
 And that's that
  
 
 Style, I mean
 
 Never was much, never has been
 
 But the little bit that was was all that we had
 
 And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
 
 And that's that
  
 
 All together now!
 
 Stand up, stand up
 
 Can you hear me at the back?
 
 All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row
 
 And the comic shouts
 
 And we all shout back
 
 And the mob says "follow" so we go
  
 
 Stand up, stand up
 
 Can you hear me at the back?
 
 All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row
 
 And the comic shouts
 
 And we all shout back
 
 And the mob says "follow" so we go
 
 And that's that
  
 
 Well, I'm going down the pub now. You're welcome to join me if you
 
 Like but I know you won't. You've all been watching too much
 
 Television. Well I'll be in the public bar, minding my own business.