A crack in the door
 
 A slit in the vines
 
 A hole in the fence
 
 So easy to find.
 
  
  People doing people things
 
 Whatever that might be
 
 They go on about their business
 
 Too wrapped up to see
 
 In the shadows,
 
 My unblinking eye, 
 
 I love the secretive life
  
 
 I hide in the park
 
 Behind a bush
 
 I see runners and skaters 
 
 And a half naked man 
 
 Showing off his tattoos
  
 
 And I see old Mr. Gray 
 
 With his bad toupee
 
 With some dumb girl about half his age
  
 
 People doing (definitely not his wife) people things
 
 Are calling out to me
 
 They're so funny I could almost cry
 
 I love the Secretive Life
  
 
 There's Johnny's dad 
 
 On his third martini
 
 And his nose is getting bigger 
 
 As I watch through the kitchen window
 
 They really oughta close those blinds
  
 
 And under my coat 
 
 I got a micro-recorder, 
 
 A pad, and a pencil, 
 
 And a picture of you
 
 I can't believe you did that
  
 
 I see two love birds walking by 
 
 With that sick and dreamy 
 
 Look in their eye
  
 
 And there's a big fat cop 
 
 With a Magnum mustache
 
 Trying so hard to look mean
  
 
 People doing 
 
 (But he doesn't see that man across the street) 
 
 People things
 
 (Stealing a bicycle)
 
 Whatever that may be
 
 They may look in my direction
 
 But they never see
 
 In the shadows my unblinking eye
 
 I love the Secretive Life
  
 
 You know what'll happen 
 
 If you're mean to me
 
 I'll write it all down 
 
 For everyone to see
 
 And I'll put it in a song 
 
 And I won't change your name
 
 I got no shame