What Am I Waiting For?

I changed how I look
How I talk, how I act
I changed even more
I'm no longer yours
Only thin' I don't change about me
Is wishing I changed even more
What am I waiting for?

My grandma said: I wanna visit you to get that LA view
But I might die before I ever get the chance to
I found a subject I could change to
To avoid the awkwardness, and realizin' the painful truth
But I wish I gave her honesty
I know lucid memories is frustratin' beyond belief
And every day there's a new body part to let a doctor see
But all that aside, how do you say that so casually?
What does death mean to you?
All you friends dyin', does it bring stress to you?
Do you think about it? Like, will it hurt at all?
When will my whole life be compressed into a phone call?
Like, yeah, she's gone
I wanna make her last years be a gift from God

But it's a losin' game, 'cause I got the news today
It's funny how, no matter how ahead you are, you're too late

I changed how I look
How I talk, how I act
I changed even more
I'm no longer yours
Only thing I don't change about me
Is wishin' I changed even more
What am I waiting for?

I used to have reoccurrin' dreams about death
So ever since you brought it up, I been sleepin' less
I know what you gon' say: I'm too young to be goin' through it
But can I ask you some questions as the closest one to it?
You so open about it, so I'm curious
Do you think an afterlife will be luxurious?
Do you think it'll treat you as good as Jersey did?
Do you think you'll see your husband?
I'm just tryna picture what's it like to be you
Three kids, five grandchildren all come from you
Maybe 'cause of us, your life has a different meaning and a view
And you're happy to live, but you don't have to
I just can't relate
My life is everything, and I'm tryin' to make it grey

But it's a losin' game, 'cause I got the news today
It's funny how, no matter how ahead you are, you're too late

I changed how I look
How I talk, how I act
I changed even more
I'm no longer yours
Only thing I don't change about me
Is wishin' I changed even more
What am I waiting for?

On our phone call, you tensed up when you mentioned death
It still bother me, 'cause I want you to be content
It was the middle of the night, I guess that's what most happened
Did you find contentment, or not even know what happened?
The questions I don't have any answers to, upset me
Until I realize they're not meant to be
Maybe that's what beautiful about the roll-out
Grandma Tuesday, I'ma be cryin' my soul out
My birthday's comin' up, and even if you lived passed it
I still change the subject every time you hinted at it
'Cause I'm not even supposed to know, until I'm supposed to know
And until I'm supposed to know, I'll be hopin' I don't
I'll be hopin' I don't, I wish I did more for you

But I know it's a losin' game, 'cause I got the news today
It's funny how, no matter how ahead you are, you're too late

Wasted, every second
The purpose is the same
I don't give a fuck
Can you say it one more time?
I could've slapped you
I'm your mother, I'm destroyed
So, so, the character is, is

I changed how I look
How I talk, how I act
I changed even more
I'm no longer yours
Only thing I don't change about me
Is wishin' I changed even more
I changed how I look
How I talk, how I act
I changed even more
I'm no longer yours
Only thing I don't change about me
Is wishin' I changed even more
What are you waiting for?