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Never Tasted Tears (Poem)

Emilie Autumn

I've never tasted tears like these before
And though they are the saddest I have known
Their simple cause is none but one of joy
For now it seems I may not be alone
Upon this earth as I have been 'til no
wA truly unexpected twist of fate
For I had given up on everyone
Especially myself, and thought it late
Too late for any soul to cast a line
His hook would hit the ice and snap in two
But someone blew a kiss and with his breath
Unfroze what ne'er a roaring fire could do
An angel now is mine and from the start
I knew that I was bound to let him in
But while I smile I weep because I know
That something ends so that this can begin
God, what a fool am I, or am I wise?
For years have I kept hidden in my heart
The name of one who never had been more
But whom I wrote about and set apart
From other men, though never did I tell
My feelings, nay, but used him as a muse
An inspiration, something to adore
But rarely did I think on what I'd lose
If ever my affections were replaced
By someone living, breathing, warm and real
For while I pledged my life to him in song
The same for me I knew he did not feel
If I could tell the truth, I'd say I planned
To go on in this fashion for all time
I didn't care he couldn't care for me
As long as I could own him in each rhyme
And have someone to think about each night
When torment after torment wracked my soul
To writhe in sorrow, bathe in pain's delight
To fill my pages was my only goal
Until the day I dared to call it love
For this love was the only I had known
And somehow I could keep the rest away
For in my mind I never was alone
And being thus in love, though with a specter,
I never did expect, nor wish, nor care
To take another in that holy place
Though in my mind I knew no one was there
Yay, in my mind, but not so in my soul
I loved, I swear I loved, else why this pain
When of my will I opened up the door
And swept the space where I swore he'd remain
And something dies within me as I sweep
As something new is born in every tear
Past years of memories I long to keep
A future that I both long for and fear
There really was no question when it came
This shooting star, both fire and gentleness
Who never gave me time to make my choice
But made my will his own with each caress
For once and only once I did not think
Where I should feel and for that I was proud
But it was one thing to enact the part
And something else to say the word aloud
For once I had, I felt a shadow fade
Which over me had hung for all these years
And no true loss in all the world could match
The sense of someone passing with my tears
I hadn't known 'til then how lost I was
Enveloped in this mist of my design
So much of me my muse had thus become
That in my eyes no star was seen to shine
Unless it bore some of my phantom's light
Or carried strains of music in the beams
Until my soul was open to the view
No man could enter, except in my dreams
It's over now and I am not afraid
I know full well what I am meant to do
But late at night when I recall my muse
I cry for us as though he ever knew
That I had waited years to hear my name
Once spoken as it should have always been
I'd wait there still but someone real appeared
And stole the heart no man could hope to win
If to my muse I'd ever said hello
It might not hurt this much to say goodbye
But there is something tragic in this scene
Which may appear as joyous to the eye
Of anyone who witnesses myself
Bound in the arms and lips of my new friend
Completed in a way I've never been
And healing wounds I thought would never mend
The truth that shattered my reality
The soul I dreamed but never thought I'd meet
And now I don't look back except in dreams
Yet when I do the pain is always sweet
For only pain can show me who I was
And from that girl to me how much I've grown
I've never tasted tears like these before
And yes, they are the saddest I have known

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