The Promise Of Agony

You tell me what will become of us
Are the lines so drawn and the stage so set
That as we age what remains is burdened sufferance?
My mortality looms in its visage is doom
And it's speaking to me alone
The years will unfold, but what is the use?
In solitude, I'm left to atone

The sins of my past are returning to gnaw at my core
The scars I have left, and those that have been left on me
My purpose in life, is it unfair to assume I have one?
I'm not fooling myself, what now awaits is a nightmarish end

What I'm saying, do you understand?
Do you know what it's like to feel inadequate?
And the future ahead has no place for you
As if you ever thought it did
Alone in my shell, if I come out, I'll die
I don't want to escape, though I should
Just leave me alone, I don't want your help
If you could ease my pain, you would

No, you don't even know me!
And your words of comfort fall upon deaf and frightened ears
I lament my bitter fate
Lachrymation upon examining my fears
I've built a fortress around my soul, impregnable the door
I refuse to admit you to my netherworld
You're correct, I've absolved my self-control
This spiraled course depression has me on

Agony
I'm a study in despair, domineered by the promise of agony
And the happiness is bound, as the hopelessness is found
I'm in agony
Can't you understand, despondency demands my agony?
And I'm waiting to die alone

As I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
A chilling descent into a phobic hell
Insanity's blade performs it's correctional surgery
Impending doom in this blackened room, I can give this all away
It's all so easy to capitulate
Nothing is making me stay

Retreating within and hiding behind my wall
Dealing without, there's no escape from this moribund state
Awaiting deep sleep, we don't care if I don't wake
In darkness' hands, though terrified, I feel safe

I don't fit into the scheme of things
These years as an outcast are quickly wearing thin
My carefree days are a thing of the past
And I welcome the fact that I'm coming to an end
Melancholy, my bride, I devote unto thee
My breath, my mind, and my soul
As silence washes over me, I've never been so tired, so cold

Confusion seizes unto me
Manacled and beaten, chained up by its frozen vice
This is killing me
But my mind is set, and I'm too weak to fight
Have you any idea what it's like to want to die?
Then you will know from where I speak
This winter in my soul, this winter is my soul

Agony
I'm a study in despair, domineered by the promise of agony
And the happiness is bound, as the hopelessness is found
I'm in agony
Can't you understand, despondency demands my agony?
And I want to be left alone

Yet again, I have no answers
The confusion of my fate takes its toll
Symbolically speaking, what's another life
That lists Ending Itself as its one and only goal?
I've examined my options and I see nothing in my sight
Is there an avenue I've yet to explore?
As of now, I'm decided, I have nothing to live for

Defeated, alone, yet you laugh at the state I'm in
I can't help what I am, but you think it's all in my head
I'm not asking for help, but I want you to understand
That I'm going away, you guess if I'm coming back

You wish I had a will to live?
This condition I'm in didn't happen overnight
I've hated myself for an eternity
Now I finally feel that I'm doing something right
As darkness descends I behold the candlemass
I seek intimacy with death
Again, you're correct, these feelings will pass
When my memory is all you have left

My life has metamorphosed
Into a marriage of the twisted and macabre
I'm sitting here now feeling the effects of my words
Trying to see a reason why I should go on
I have to wonder, do I still believe in God?
'Cause God no longer believes in me
I lay myself down for my final peace
I welcome death, my spirit is free

Agony
I'm a study in despair, domineered by the promise of agony
And the happiness is bound, as the hopelessness is found
I'm in agony
Can't you understand, despondency demands my agony?
And I'm pleading to die alone

Agony
I'm a study in despair, domineered by the promise of agony
And the happiness is bound, as the hopelessness is found
I'm in agony
Can't you understand, despondency demands my agony?
And I want to be left alone

Agony
I'm a study in despair, domineered by the promise of agony
And the happiness is bound, as the hopelessness is found
I'm in agony
Can't you understand, despondency demands my agony?
And I'm pleading to die alone