- 1
Freak Kitchen - Porno Daddy
- 2
Freak Kitchen - Breathe
- 3
Freak Kitchen - Freak Of The Week
- 4
Freak Kitchen - Razor Flowers
- 5
Freak Kitchen - Sloppy
- 6
Freak Kitchen - (Saving Up For An) Anal Bleach
- 7
Freak Kitchen - A regular guy
- 8
Freak Kitchen - Alone With My Phone
- 9
Freak Kitchen - Appetizer
- 10
Freak Kitchen - Are You for Real ?
- 11
Freak Kitchen - Becky
- 12
Freak Kitchen - Black Spider Flag
- 13
Freak Kitchen - Blind
- 14
Freak Kitchen - Broken Food
- 15
Freak Kitchen - Bull
- 16
Freak Kitchen - Burning Bridges
- 17
Freak Kitchen - By The Weeping Willow
- 18
Freak Kitchen - Chest Pain Waltz
- 19
Freak Kitchen - Clean it Up
- 20
Freak Kitchen - Come Back To Comeback
- 21
Freak Kitchen - Come Before You Leave
- 22
Freak Kitchen - Confusion To The Enemy
- 23
Freak Kitchen - Damage
- 24
Freak Kitchen - Dead Soul Man
- 25
Freak Kitchen - Deus Salve o Baço
- 26
Freak Kitchen - Do Not Disturb
- 27
Freak Kitchen - Dystopia
- 28
Freak Kitchen - Entertain Me
- 29
Freak Kitchen - Everything Is Under Control
- 30
Freak Kitchen - Forgive Me, I'm Swedish
- 31
Freak Kitchen - Get A Life
- 32
Freak Kitchen - God Save the Spleen
- 33
Freak Kitchen - Goody Goody
- 34
Freak Kitchen - Guilt Trip
- 35
Freak Kitchen - Gun God
- 36
Freak Kitchen - Happening Henry
- 37
Freak Kitchen - Hateful Little People
- 38
Freak Kitchen - Haw, haw, haw
- 39
Freak Kitchen - Heal Me
- 40
Freak Kitchen - Heroin Breakfast
- 41
Freak Kitchen - Hide
- 42
Freak Kitchen - Hip Hip Hoorah
- 43
Freak Kitchen - Hollow
- 44
Freak Kitchen - Honey, You're a Nazy
- 45
Freak Kitchen - Humiliation Song
- 46
Freak Kitchen - I Don't Want To Golf
- 47
Freak Kitchen - I Refuse
- 48
Freak Kitchen - Independent Way Of Life
- 49
Freak Kitchen - Infidelity Ghost
- 50
Freak Kitchen - Inner Revolution
- 51
Freak Kitchen - Jerk
- 52
Freak Kitchen - Lie Freedom
- 53
Freak Kitchen - Lisa
- 54
Freak Kitchen - Logo
- 55
Freak Kitchen - Look Bored
- 56
Freak Kitchen - Maggots Of Corruption
- 57
Freak Kitchen - Mathematics Of Defeat
- 58
Freak Kitchen - Michael and the syndrome
- 59
Freak Kitchen - Middle Class Panic
- 60
Freak Kitchen - Morons
- 61
Freak Kitchen - Mr. Kashchei And The 13 Prostitutes
- 62
Freak Kitchen - Murder Groupie
- 63
Freak Kitchen - Mussolini Mind
- 64
Freak Kitchen - My new haircut
- 65
Freak Kitchen - Nobody's Laughing
- 66
Freak Kitchen - Now You Know
- 67
Freak Kitchen - Ok
- 68
Freak Kitchen - Once Upon A Time In Scandinavistan
- 69
Freak Kitchen - One Last Dance
- 70
Freak Kitchen - One Last Dance
- 71
Freak Kitchen - Only a Dream
- 72
Freak Kitchen - Pathetic Aesthetic
- 73
Freak Kitchen - Private Property
- 74
Freak Kitchen - Professional Help
- 75
Freak Kitchen - Propaganda Pie
- 76
Freak Kitchen - Proud To Be Plastic
- 77
Freak Kitchen - Push Through
- 78
Freak Kitchen - Ranks Of The Terrified
- 79
Freak Kitchen - Raw
- 80
Freak Kitchen - Så Kan Det Gå När Inte Haspen Är På
- 81
Freak Kitchen - Scattered
- 82
Freak Kitchen - See You In Pittsburgh
- 83
Freak Kitchen - Seven Days In June
- 84
Freak Kitchen - Shithead
- 85
Freak Kitchen - Sick (Death by Hypochondria)
- 86
Freak Kitchen - Silence
- 87
Freak Kitchen - Slap Me In The Face
- 88
Freak Kitchen - Snap
- 89
Freak Kitchen - Sob Story
- 90
Freak Kitchen - Some Kind of Love Song
- 91
Freak Kitchen - Spanking Hour
- 92
Freak Kitchen - Speak When Spoken To
- 93
Freak Kitchen - Supermodel Baby
- 94
Freak Kitchen - Taste my Fist
- 95
Freak Kitchen - Teargas Jazz
- 96
Freak Kitchen - The Bitter Season
- 97
Freak Kitchen - The Era Of Anxiety
- 98
Freak Kitchen - The Healthy Man
- 99
Freak Kitchen - The Man Who Taught His Asshole To Play The Flute
- 100
Freak Kitchen - The Only Way
- 101
Freak Kitchen - The Rights To You
- 102
Freak Kitchen - The Sinking Planet
- 103
Freak Kitchen - The Smell of Time
- 104
Freak Kitchen - The Special Profession
- 105
Freak Kitchen - The Ugly Side Of Me
- 106
Freak Kitchen - The Wrong Year
- 107
Freak Kitchen - Tiny Little Second
- 108
Freak Kitchen - Troll
- 109
Freak Kitchen - Vaseline Bizniz
- 110
Freak Kitchen - Walls of Stupidity
- 111
Freak Kitchen - We Will Not Stand Down
- 112
Freak Kitchen - We've Heard It All Before
- 113
Freak Kitchen - What's The Problem
Mr. Kashchei And The 13 Prostitutes
Freak Kitchen
Funny accent, a Russian in Amsterdam?
Looking for a job or need a place to stay?
Go see Kashei..."
What the hell, I said, how bad can it be?
And checked the address the guy gave to me
The letters were smudged, "Dead knight district"?!?
A name for a derelict...
"Zdrastvujtje! My name is Ivan
Is this the right place? I´m here to see a man
A Mr Kashchei", I was invited in
To "The House of Sin"...
Then the world exploded, the only thing I recall
Before I woke up, tied to a concrete wall
"Let me introduce myself and welcome to my club
I´m your local Beelzebub"
What am I doing here?
What in the name of a Hun
Powder all around me
Smoke that makes me dizzy
Unfamiliar devices
Women smiling tempting
Syringes injecting
Lies and pseudo paradises
Fake paradises...
While tied to the wall, Ivan, who was to naive to fathom the shit he was in, made semi-romantic moves (well, since he was tied up) on one of the girls in Kashchei´s harem. Ivan´s innocent, Irkutskian eyes made a monumental impression on the somewhat jaded girl and she rediscovered feelings she thought were dead and buried a long ago. Love was in the maruana air...
The evil Mr Kashchei and his sinister drug pushers, whom he provisioned with free dope to keep them ignorant and dumb, had settled back for a few Z´s. Meanwhile, Ivan was cut loose by his new found love and they decided it was time they leave. So did the other girls who were fed up spending time in the thick of things.
All of a sudden Kashchei opened his eyes and instantly aware of what was going down he unleashed his thunderous rage. "No one fucks with Kashchei! Nikto ne ebat so mnoj! Especially not whores and cocksuckers named Ivan! ", he screamed furiously, his appearance all the more frightening.
A few of the pushers vaguely percieved the tumult but were too stoned to ascertain the circumstances and retired, contented, to their state of inhaled bliss.
However, one of the girls knew about Kashchei´s Achilles´ heel; (ironically) that hard boiled Satanic, son-of-a-bitch, son-of-a-Hun was allergic. She managed to sneak out the back door in search of some kind of animal, preferably a cat or a dog. In a streetcorner lay a Dutch shepherd with orange fur and a puzzled look that became more puzzled as the girl picked him up and dashed back to "The House of Sin". The dog, friendly by nature, mistook Kashchei´s shouting and waving for an invitation to play and leaped up on his chest causing an immediate hypersensitive reaction, leaving the drug dealing pimp panting on the floor, Delft-blue in the face...
Ivan and the former 13 prostitues escaped and took the first available flight out of the country, whose destination happened to be Portugal. The heroic dog was quickly named "Lucifers" ("Fire" in Dutch) at the airport before checking into quarantine.
Ivan and company now live as suburban idiots, and love it, in a commune outside of Lisbon.
Mr Kashchei got arrested but avoided custody since drug dealing hardly ain´t a crime in the Netherlands anymore. He later moved to Copenhagen and became a politician. His pusher dudes are still wandering about the streets of Amsterdam in their purple haze...