One Helluva Pair

Dispatch, we are in hot pursuit
Of two hostile fugitives
One immensely obese brute accompanied by
A scrawny peg legged minion
Now, we have attempted
Peaceful negotiations here, but
Wait, what's this?
We're picking up something
On another frequency let me patch it through

They call me junk rat I'm a violent rodent
I never use guns, but I like explosives
I'll stop the payload with my remote
It's good news when I say: I've blown it
I'm always laughin' 'cause I'm always jokin'
Swipe me right on Tinder
Because I'm smokin' hot
Probably 'cause I'm a pyro
My hair's on fire if you need a light, though
I think aiming is overrated
Dynamite and bombs are all I play with
It's a perfect day for mayhem
Got a couple traps and it's time I lay them
I've always got a leg up, mate
Send ya sky high where the weather's great
That's a rap, now that you all know me
Show some love for my psycho roadie

Shut up, rat I'm sick of your voice

I'm paying you well, you've got no choice
I'm a demo expert
Sorry if I'm a little wired

I wouldn't be here if I wasn't hired
I live in the fast lane, I'm not a boar
I'm the hog that the pigs never caught before
With a mask that you'll never see me take off
Like leather face
Straight outta Texas chainsaw
Heavyweigh champ, a wasteland hulk

I won't fat shame you, no need to sulk

I'm not a fatass, I'm on a bulk, you know
Shut up, mad max, you're in my thunder dome
I'll hop on my harley, spread some anarchy

Fry these buggers like shrimp on the Barbie
You mess with me, and I'll ruin you worse
Than junk rat just did to this verse
Oh, don't take it so personally, road hog
You just have to ruin everything
Well, I'll agree on that one! Ha ha ha ha!

Counting down to detonation
Hold your ground, eradication
Look around, it's devastation
Lay to waste all of creation
Light the fuse, lock and load
Hit the juice, we're on the road
The rat and the hog, one hell of a pair
We're still not friends
But we are getting there

Really? 'Cause this is hardly a start
You're just an obnoxious body to guard

But the money we're makin'
The riches we're takin'
The bonds that we've made

And the friendship we're fakin'?
You're too loud and it's pissin' me off
You smell roadkill and it's makin' me cough

Fire in the hole! I just saved your ass
Oh, damn thanks, I guess
Still, without me, you would never win
And who's gonna help you, one of your chins?

Ha ha ha, okay rat, I'll give ya that one
Look, I squeezed a laugh out of the fat one
Here, take a burger looks like you need it

Thanks, roadie
I'm surprised you didn't eat it
I'm only joking, you're used to taking flak

Hold your breath if you're taking
Cover at my back
Oh God, not the toxic fumes
That's when the gas mask really comes in use

It's for radiation and preventing infection
The stank you smell is my indigestion
I could light a match by your ass
We'd all be on fire this entire match

And while you pester us
The rest of us are workin'
You're not a junk rat
You're a worthless vermin

Through defenses I'm blowin' holes
Who you gonna call for zone control?
Fine, but if you're gonna help, be quiet
Hey, what's on your meal plan? I wanna try it

Double decker burgers, filet mignon
I'll blow out your brains if you say bacon
I guess that that one hit's close to home
A little too close you don't even know

I remember a field where
The piggies would graze
Till the omnics came in and
All our nation was razed
Just thinking of bacon is heartache
A piece of me died on that dark day
Now I'm back on the road
With no family or friends
I ride my cycle alone
I guess this is how it ends
But wherever you go, I will follow
I'll be by your side if you want, so
When the rubble subsides and
The debris sweeps away
I'll look into your eyes and
I'll know what you'll say
We're a two man army stirring up anarchy
All our foes will be fried up
Just like shrimp on the Barbie
Hop on my Harley, I want you in my sidecar
They've taken my leg
But it was you who took my heart
In a totally platonic way
Well, yes, that goes without saying
This is sufficiently awkward
Let's continue our rampage

Hey, junk rat what is it, you old bugger?
If you tell anyone about that
'Bout what? Us singin' and all?
I will kill you
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, mate
Lips are sealed