- 1
Piano Magic - You Can Never Get Lost
- 2
Piano Magic - (Music Won't Save You From Anything But) Silence
- 3
Piano Magic - A Book I Should Not Read
- 4
Piano Magic - A Fond Farewell
- 5
Piano Magic - A Return To The Sea
- 6
Piano Magic - A Trick Of The Sea
- 7
Piano Magic - Already Ghosts
- 8
Piano Magic - Amongst The Books, An Angel
- 9
Piano Magic - Angel Pie
- 10
Piano Magic - Artist's Rifles
- 11
Piano Magic - Bad Patient
- 12
Piano Magic - Certainty
- 13
Piano Magic - Cities & Factories
- 14
Piano Magic - Comets
- 15
Piano Magic - Crown Estate
- 16
Piano Magic - Crown Of The Lost
- 17
Piano Magic - Dark Ages
- 18
Piano Magic - Dark Horses
- 19
Piano Magic - Dark Secrets Look for Light
- 20
Piano Magic - Deleted Scenes
- 21
Piano Magic - Disaffected
- 22
Piano Magic - Echoes On Ice
- 23
Piano Magic - England's Always Better (As You're Pulling Away)
- 24
Piano Magic - Exit
- 25
Piano Magic - Halfway Through
- 26
Piano Magic - Halloween Boat
- 27
Piano Magic - Help Me Warm This Frozen Heart
- 28
Piano Magic - I Am the Sub-Librarian
- 29
Piano Magic - I am the teacher´s son
- 30
Piano Magic - I Came To Your Party Dressed As a Shadow
- 31
Piano Magic - I Have Moved Into The Shadow
- 32
Piano Magic - I Must Leave London
- 33
Piano Magic - Incurable
- 34
Piano Magic - It's The Same Dream That Lasts All Night
- 35
Piano Magic - Jacknifed
- 36
Piano Magic - Lights Come On At 3
- 37
Piano Magic - Love & Music
- 38
Piano Magic - Luxembourg Gardens
- 39
Piano Magic - March Of The Atheists
- 40
Piano Magic - Modern Jupiter
- 41
Piano Magic - Night Of The Hunter
- 42
Piano Magic - No Closure
- 43
Piano Magic - Non-Fiction
- 44
Piano Magic - Not Fair
- 45
Piano Magic - On Edge
- 46
Piano Magic - Part Monster
- 47
Piano Magic - Password
- 48
Piano Magic - Postal
- 49
Piano Magic - Recovery Position
- 50
Piano Magic - Saint Marie
- 51
Piano Magic - Saints Preserve Us
- 52
Piano Magic - Shot Through The Fog
- 53
Piano Magic - Sketch For Joanne
- 54
Piano Magic - Snow Drums
- 55
Piano Magic - Snowfall Soon
- 56
Piano Magic - Soldier Song
- 57
Piano Magic - Speed The Road Rush The Lights
- 58
Piano Magic - Stations
- 59
Piano Magic - The Biggest Lie
- 60
Piano Magic - The Blue Hour
- 61
Piano Magic - The Canadian Brought Us Snow
- 62
Piano Magic - The Drowning Of St Christopher
- 63
Piano Magic - The End Of The Dark, Tired Year
- 64
Piano Magic - The Faint Horizon
- 65
Piano Magic - The Fun Of The Century
- 66
Piano Magic - The Index
- 67
Piano Magic - The Journal Of A Disappointed Man
- 68
Piano Magic - The King Cannot Be Found
- 69
Piano Magic - The Last Engineer
- 70
Piano Magic - The Nightmare Goes On
- 71
Piano Magic - The Nostalgist
- 72
Piano Magic - The Season Is Long
- 73
Piano Magic - The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer
- 74
Piano Magic - The Tollbooth Martyrs
- 75
Piano Magic - The Unwritten Law
- 76
Piano Magic - Theory Of Ghosts
- 77
Piano Magic - There's No Need For Us To Be Alone
- 78
Piano Magic - This Heart Machinery
- 79
Piano Magic - To Be Swished / Dream Of The UPS Driver
- 80
Piano Magic - Vacancies
- 81
Piano Magic - When I'm Done, This Night Will Fear Me
- 82
Piano Magic - Wintersport / Cross-Country
- 83
Piano Magic - Wrong French
- 84
Piano Magic - You And John Are Birds
- 85
Piano Magic - You Can Hear The Room
- 86
Piano Magic - You Never Loved This City
- 87
Piano Magic - Your Ghost
The Journal Of A Disappointed Man
Piano Magic
trying to get a grip on the rail.
I'm grasping in the dark for a switch
that'll turn on some almighty bright white light and thus, illuminate the way, the path, make everything clear as day. And every breath I take seems to be quickly rolled up behind me and filed away in memory.
Only a particular scent or dose of weather can pinprick the past and even then,
the drawer opens flirtatiously for just a moment.
I have lost touch with everyone I went to school with, everyone in the village where I spent most of my formulative years,
everyone I went to college with,
everyone I ever worked with.
They too, are filed away, often angrily slamming the drawer behind them,
over something I said or something I didn't say.
My lovers cannot be traced.
I know. I've tried.
I've taken trains to their cities and stood on street corners in the miraculous
off-chance that they might wander by.
But each time, I have returned home,
defeated and had to force myself to sleep
so that my heart didn't kill me.
I began my autobiography at 23 years old,
with the intention that I wouldn't live 'til 25.
But I'd done nothing, loved no-one,
said nothing of any great importance by that time.
The journal of a disappointed man.
I took a position at the Natural History Museum
but left after only 3 months due to allergies.
Whilst deluding myself that I could reinforce
the scientist's power of detached analysis
with a poetic intensity,
I would cough up my guts on the glass
that held the giant stuffed man-o-war.
I had a gift of incisive and candid comment,
but I failed to ignite it
when faced with the apple-cheeked Irish girl
who served the tea in the basement canteen.
Drunk most nights, in the Black Swan on Canal St,
I would attempt to put my own complicated nature
under the microscope of a beer glass.
I walked home alone, opening the air with bolshy,
slurred dictums against religion,
ethics, love and life itself.
Lonely, penniless, paralysed by the guilt
of never having told my father I loved him,
I wander hospital corridors, posing as a visitor.
I have wept, enjoyed, struggled and overcome
but I remain disappointed.
