What is it all for?
I've asked myself that question so many times now it's become more worn than my Reebok classics
I'm a slave to frivolous habits
Of introspection without any destination
Ruminating thoughts in constant rotation
Is this what it means to be conscious?
To constantly question our conscious?
Despondently fall on my back horizontally
Under my bed there are monsters
They visit me when I try to sleep
They're those thoughts that play on repeat
They say: Ren, you're always gonna suffer, Ren
You're always gonna suffer
And I boomerang between optimism and pessimism
So much that my sanctuary could be a prison
What blinds me could give me vision
And what finds me is this indecision of what to do with these questions
Is there purpose? Is there God?
And if there is God, then God
Why do I feel like this, God?
Are we not sculpted in your image?
And if so do you feel that pain?
Un-relinquishing pain like my brain got put under a Bunsen burner and torched until the membranes became flame
I hate not sleeping
I like the weekend because other people don't sleep either
Mindless TV shows irritate me, but they're my messiah
Because I can become brain dead, wasted
Lost in trails of dry saliva
(But I'm a survivor, a child of destiny)
But this night has been testing me
Question the mess that's progressing, undressing me
Stripping me naked and stuffing the stress in me
I used to use drinking as a way to stop thinking
And my problems with drinking made me feel like I was sinking
So I dried up my drink and then I couldn't sleep a wink
And now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking about nothing
Fucking nothing! And everything, and nothing
I hate not sleeping
So I lie here trying to count sheep
And their bleating's repeating
My bleeding heart, it is beating
And beating me in my sleep is the plea
And pleading for healing is fleeting
Longing for sleepless? Audibly speaking?
I weep in the sheets
It's doubling doubley, troubling subtling
It's bleak, it's so bleak, it's so bleak
And I lost my mind on a line
I hate not sleeping
I hate not sleeping
