Troubles

Ooh Lordy, troubles so hard
Ooh, Lordy, troubles so hard
Ooh Lordy, troubles
Ooh Lordy
Ooh Lordy, troubles
Ooh, troubles so hard
Ooh Lordy, troubles
Ooh Lordy
Ooh Lordy, troubles
Ooh, troubles so hard

I don't reach into the past very much
For these shards of shattered glass and harsh paper cuts
Leave me stuck when I reach in memories are seeped in hydrochloric acid
I go to war and get passive and freeze up
But music helped the ice to thaw
Put a chisel in the middle swing the hammer of Thor
Pull it out of the impossible, excalibur sword
Etching note pads full of reasons why my feelings are sore
The first day that I got sick ejected from cockpit of living
Nineteen, young teen, waking up bitten
Posters up, manhunt, Ren went missing
Hard to have faith when the gods don't listen
The first year maybe was the hardest
Waking in a body that was buried like a carcass
Brain in the lions den, body in a shark pit
Waking up in pain again, aching, brokenhearted
Persistent little bugger I was bouncing from a doctor
To a doctor to a doctor like a table tennis game that has no end
So be the fate of Ren
Every single question answered with a question on the end
The second year I came to terms with giving up my dreams
Mind was severed from the means that helped me write these rhyme schemes
Brain was inflamed. The fatigue was crushing
Hard to remain sane with your brain combusting
And the third year was murder, living in a purga'
Tory full of worry, wouldn't live to be thirty
Lifestyle hurt me, always in my bed tomb
Re-arrange the alphabet and all the letters spell doom
Light hurt my eyes, popping pills to survive
When you're twenty-three and mentally you steadily decline
Twenty-four I was poor, disability benefits
What's the benefit of disability? It's irrelevant
Twenty-five and the scars that were etched, they cracked
Elastic bands only stretch so far and then snap
Deep in psychosis, hallucinations, troubled vision
Visits from the underworld were conjuring my superstition
Twenty-five, living back at home with my mum
But not because I'm a bum, alone and physically done
So thin, so frail, so weak I'd become
And my skin so pale, never kissed by the Sun
One time I carved a whole in my chest, just to feel
I wish that was a metaphor, the struggle was real
When you're living in a holocaust, you buckle and kneel
There's relief in the teeth of the kiss of cold steel
Facts, twenty-six I'm highly medicated and the pain sophisticated
While I'm laying broke and naked on my back
I brought my microphone into my coffin, started droppin'
Raw thoughts with the grim reaper knocking on the track
Then man, lo and behold
I heard an angel beckon on this treacherous road
Was a stem cell doctor with a generous glow
And a cell transplant brought me out of the cold
And my skin got younger and my body got stronger
And my stomach felt hunger for a door that was closed
And my soul heard music for the first time
Beauty was a word I'd use for this gift of gold
Oh Lord, I forgive you, Lord I forgive you
Lord, I forgive you, make me whole
This music I give you, pain that I live through
Everything I've been through is yours to hold

Ooh Lordy, troubles so hard
Ooh Lordy, troubles so hard
Don't know my troubles but God
Don't know my troubles but God
Ooh Lordy
Ooh Lordy, troubles so hard