- 1
Tim Minchin - Thank You God
- 2
Tim Minchin - The Good Book
- 3
Tim Minchin - White Wine In The Sun
- 4
Tim Minchin - If I Didn't Have You
- 5
Tim Minchin - Woody Allen Jesus
- 6
Tim Minchin - Not Perfect
- 7
Tim Minchin - Nothing Can Stop Us Now
- 8
Tim Minchin - So Long (As We Are Together)
- 9
Tim Minchin - Confessions
- 10
Tim Minchin - Cont
- 11
Tim Minchin - F Sharp
- 12
Tim Minchin - Fat Children
- 13
Tim Minchin - Mitsubishi Colt
- 14
Tim Minchin - Prejudice
- 15
Tim Minchin - Rock And Roll Nerd
- 16
Tim Minchin - The Fence
- 17
Tim Minchin - Three Minute Song
- 18
Tim Minchin - 5 Poofs And 2 Pianos
- 19
Tim Minchin - Apart Together
- 20
Tim Minchin - Bears Don't Dig On Dancing
- 21
Tim Minchin - Beauty
- 22
Tim Minchin - Canvas Bags
- 23
Tim Minchin - Carry You
- 24
Tim Minchin - Cheese
- 25
Tim Minchin - Come Home (Cardinal Pell)
- 26
Tim Minchin - Dark Side
- 27
Tim Minchin - Donnie Darko Song
- 28
Tim Minchin - Drowned
- 29
Tim Minchin - Eighteen Year Old Lesbian
- 30
Tim Minchin - Hello
- 31
Tim Minchin - I Can't Save You
- 32
Tim Minchin - I'll Take Lonely Tonight
- 33
Tim Minchin - I'm In a Cage
- 34
Tim Minchin - If You Open Your Mind Too Much Your Brain Will Fall Off (Take My Wife)
- 35
Tim Minchin - If You Really Loved Me
- 36
Tim Minchin - Inflatable You
- 37
Tim Minchin - Lullaby
- 38
Tim Minchin - My Neighbour's Ass
- 39
Tim Minchin - Peace Anthem For Palestine
- 40
Tim Minchin - Perineum Millenium - The In Between Years
- 41
Tim Minchin - Poetry In a Lovesong
- 42
Tim Minchin - Pope Song
- 43
Tim Minchin - Sloth (Lament Of The Three Toed Sloth)
- 44
Tim Minchin - So Fucking Rock
- 45
Tim Minchin - Some People Have It Worse Than I
- 46
Tim Minchin - Storm
- 47
Tim Minchin - Ten Foot Cock And a Few Hundred Virgins
- 48
Tim Minchin - The Song For Phil Daoust
- 49
Tim Minchin - Understand It
- 50
Tim Minchin - When I Grow Up
- 51
Tim Minchin - You Grew On Me
If You Really Loved Me
Tim Minchin
If you love me half as much as I love you
You would pluck a planet from the sky
You'd use a star to dot the I
In I love you, that is what you'd do
You'd take a dreary day and you would paint it blue
If you loved me unconditionally
These are the things that you would do for me
Because I need you
Like a fish needs the sea
Like a fire needs oxygen
Like a flower needs a bee
And if you really cared for me
You'd let me video you while you wee
Standing up in the bath, I shouldn't even have to ask
Perhaps you'd even store a little more in a flask
These are just the things that people do
When their love for one another is true
We go together
Like a cracker and Brie
Like racism and ignorance
Like bling and R&B
And if you really want to show you care
You'd let me wear your underwear
When we go to your mum's, it's a bit of harmless fun
I just like talking about your childhood with lace between my buns
There's no reason for a big to-do
If you love one another it's true
We go together
Like a bird and a nest
Like Internet and kitty porn
Like guns and the US
And if you love me like you say you do
You'd purchase forty cockatoos
And teach them to fly in formation in the sky
And shit the words Tim is God on my ex-girlfriend's Hyundai
Sure, it might be easier with doves
But shirking challenges is not what love's all about
Love is not all wine and roses
Sometimes it's handcuffs and cheese
No one said love is for free
And if you agree with that
You'd sing me passages from the Koran
Wearing nothing but your Bob the Builder hat
To the tune of Waltzing Matilda
I just love the combination of Islam, nationalism and builder
Because I need you
Like a tick needs a tock
Like bananas need pyjamas
Like a nun needs cock
But if you want to put your love for me first
You wouldn't go through childbirth
You'd agree to adopt, so that you could stay thin
We'll get a Chinese kid - it could teach us Mandarin!
And communists don't make as much noise
And they're really good at sharing their toys
Because I dig you
Like an Aussie digs pies
Like born-agains dig Jesus
Like Jesus dug guys
And if you love me unconditionally
You'd do my tax return for me
Cos it's way overdue, and I just don't know
I guess I'm self-employed but do I still pay as I go?
And does the threshold apply to me?
And should I register for GST?
And if you love me unconditionally
Would you let me video you while you wee?
(Assuming there's nothing worth watching on TV)