- 1
Tim Minchin - Thank You God
- 2
Tim Minchin - White Wine In The Sun
- 3
Tim Minchin - The Good Book
- 4
Tim Minchin - If I Didn't Have You
- 5
Tim Minchin - Woody Allen Jesus
- 6
Tim Minchin - Not Perfect
- 7
Tim Minchin - Cheese
- 8
Tim Minchin - Confessions
- 9
Tim Minchin - F Sharp
- 10
Tim Minchin - Fat Children
- 11
Tim Minchin - Mitsubishi Colt
- 12
Tim Minchin - Prejudice
- 13
Tim Minchin - Rock And Roll Nerd
- 14
Tim Minchin - So Long (As We Are Together)
- 15
Tim Minchin - The Fence
- 16
Tim Minchin - Three Minute Song
- 17
Tim Minchin - Understand It
- 18
Tim Minchin - 5 Poofs And 2 Pianos
- 19
Tim Minchin - Apart Together
- 20
Tim Minchin - Bears Don't Dig On Dancing
- 21
Tim Minchin - Beauty
- 22
Tim Minchin - Canvas Bags
- 23
Tim Minchin - Carry You
- 24
Tim Minchin - Come Home (Cardinal Pell)
- 25
Tim Minchin - Cont
- 26
Tim Minchin - Dark Side
- 27
Tim Minchin - Donnie Darko Song
- 28
Tim Minchin - Drowned
- 29
Tim Minchin - Eighteen Year Old Lesbian
- 30
Tim Minchin - Hello
- 31
Tim Minchin - I Can't Save You
- 32
Tim Minchin - I'll Take Lonely Tonight
- 33
Tim Minchin - I'm In a Cage
- 34
Tim Minchin - If You Open Your Mind Too Much Your Brain Will Fall Off (Take My Wife)
- 35
Tim Minchin - If You Really Loved Me
- 36
Tim Minchin - Inflatable You
- 37
Tim Minchin - Lullaby
- 38
Tim Minchin - My Neighbour's Ass
- 39
Tim Minchin - Nothing Can Stop Us Now
- 40
Tim Minchin - Peace Anthem For Palestine
- 41
Tim Minchin - Perineum Millenium - The In Between Years
- 42
Tim Minchin - Poetry In a Lovesong
- 43
Tim Minchin - Pope Song
- 44
Tim Minchin - Sloth (Lament Of The Three Toed Sloth)
- 45
Tim Minchin - So Fucking Rock
- 46
Tim Minchin - Some People Have It Worse Than I
- 47
Tim Minchin - Storm
- 48
Tim Minchin - Ten Foot Cock And a Few Hundred Virgins
- 49
Tim Minchin - The Song For Phil Daoust
- 50
Tim Minchin - When I Grow Up
- 51
Tim Minchin - You Grew On Me
Ten Foot Cock And a Few Hundred Virgins
Tim Minchin
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins.
So you're gonna live in Paradise,
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO,
And when the Lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvation,
You're gonna be the first to know.
And so if...
God was there from the very beginning
He invented men and women,
Then he also invented wanking,
Then he said wanking was sinning.
So if I'm feeling randy
I'm not allowed to hand-shandy,
But having sex with my family,
That is just fucking great.
It's all there in Ezekial 8,
Just before he opens up his big pearly gate,
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the date,
Even if it's great,
Even with your mate.
So you're gonna live in Paradise,
With a ten-foot cock and few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at the greener grass,
And when the Lord comes down
With his shining rod of judgement,
He's gonna kick my heathen arse.
So if you...
Cover the bodies of your women
Everybody is grinning,
Because black is so slimming,
Though it's not great for swimming.
But it gives you an erection,
With the increased sexual tension,
What with the U.V. protection
That is second to none.
You'll find it all in the Quran
Just next to the bit that justifies guns,
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the bum,
Even if it's fun,
Even with permission from your mum.
So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at eternity,
And when the Lord comes down
And I haven't done my penance,
He's gonna disembowel me.
You say that...
If I...
Stumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmaker,
That a muffin presupposes a baker,
So you must agree sooner or later,
That this proves that there's a creator.
So if I put my foot in a stinker,
You'd assume the existence of a sphincter,
Thus you don't need to be a great thinker
To coclude that God's a bum,
Which negates the words of Genesis 1
Which made Him out to be so much fun,
Until Adam succumbed
To temptation,
And then His only son
Got nailed to a gum,
Or the Middle-Eastern equivalent,
Which suggests that God's omniscience
Is nullified by His ambivilance,
Unless it turns out that He's impotent,
And if God can't get a boner,
I guess that explains the plethora
Of huge erections in His honour -
Because we all know a steeple's just a subconscious compensatory manifestation of a huge stiff penis -
Still He tells us that it's heinous
To stick a penis up your anus,
Even if you're famous,
Even if you're good at tennis.
So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO,
And when the Lord comes down with his big stiff rod of justice,
I'm gonna be the first to go,
He's gonna send me down below,
He's gonna whip me like a hoe, do you really think so?
I'm gonna be the first to go.