The Day Basketball Was Saved

Jackson 5

Peanuts! Popcorn! Peanuts! Popcorn!
The sporting world’s had many teams
The fans have called first rate
They had the Yankees in the ’40s
All agreed were really great
Packers and Celtics piled up records
Hard to beat
But good as they all seemed to be
They tasted of defeat.
No team has ever won them all
And always stayed on top
Except that group of superstars
No team could ever stop
A bunch of splendid athletes
Who all stood strong and tall
They called themselves the Dream Team
And their game was basketball.

The center, a massive collection of bones
Was known by the nickname of Skyscraper Jones
The forwards were both brilliant ball handlers, too
Named Kangaroo Carson and Dead-Eye McGoo
The guards were two giants who played with great cool
Called Bulldozer Benson and Hookshot O’Toole.

Together they worked like a well-oiled machine
And ran up such scores it was almost obscene.
The team is unbeatable, everyone said
And if no one can beat them, then basketball’s dead
Basketball’s dead, yes, basketball’s dead
No team will beat them, so no team can meet them
The…it’s…the…de… dead.

But wait, folks! (Huh, it’s not?)
From out of Indiana like bees from a hive
Came a little known team called the Jackson 5
They came with a mission impossbily tough
To whip the Dream Team till they holler “Enough!”
We’ll razzle your frazzle, we’ll muzzle you guys!
We’ll dazzle each one of you right down to size.
We’ll shiver your timbers till all of you fall.
The Jacksons will beat you and save basketball!

A laugh roars up on the Dream Team’s side
And they laughed so hard that they nearly cried
Go home, little boys, get off the court
It’s a big man’s sport, you’re much too short
Too short, my foot, that’s just your way
Of saying you’re afraid to play
Afraid to play? Hear that squirt?
Go home before you all get hurt

We’d like to get just one thing straight.
We heard you guys was really great.
But so far all we’ve heard is talk.
So are you going to play?
Or are you going to walk?”

With that the Dream Team got real mad
And blew what little cool they had.
This time you guys, you’ve gone too far.
We’ll show you all how good we are.
We’ll play you now but we’re so sore
We may not even let you score
Oh yeah? Oh yeah?
We’ve heard it all
Let’s cut the talking. Let’s play ball

So the teams lined up and the ball was tossed
And the game got underway.
And the Dream Team knew from the very first tap
That the Jacksons knew how to play.
They dribbled, they passed, they faked, they shot
They hustled, they drove right on through
And every time that the Dream Team scored
Well, the Jackson 5 scored, too.

When the buzzer went off at the end of the half
The Dream Team wanted to hide
They couldn’t believe it was happening
But the score was really tied.

We’ve gotta stop those guys
We’ve gotta stop ‘em quick
We’ve gotta realize
They’re looking mighty slick
We’ve gotta start our drive
Or think of some good trick
Stop the Jackson 5

They’re making us look sick!

Sick! Sick! Sick! Sick!
Hey, I’ve got a way
Let’s fill them up with peanuts and popcorn
And then see how they play
Hey, Mr Vendor, listen to me
Those Jacksons could use some energy
So pass out the tray and let them grab
We’re such good sports we’ll pick up the tab.

We’ve got a great attack
We’ve got them on the run
If we can hold them back

Then we’ll be number one
We have the final lap
The jump will be reveresed
Just play the second half
The way we played the first. Yeah!

Jackie, come and check the score.
I’ll be right back, guys. Don’t leave the floor
Peanuts! Popcorn! Have a ball!
Free of charge, kids. Take it all.
Free of charge? Is that for real?
Free of charge!
That’s some good deal!
Maybe we shouldn’t!
Maybe we should!
It may be bad!
And it may be good!
What if Jackie finds out?
Who’s going to tell?
Then, I guess we might as well!

So the Jacksons ate till the food was gone
While the cheerleaders cheered the two teams on.

Re-bop, re-bop, hootie-rootie zackie
Come on, Dream Team, let’s stop Jackie
Michael, Marlon, Tito, and Jermaine
We’ve got the brawn, we’ve got the brains!
Dream Team! Dream Team!
Fly high, fly high, fly high!

One two three, ABC, Do Re Mi
Man Alive! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho!
Go go go! Jackson 5!

The whistle blew for the second half
The excitement filled the place.
You could tell both teams were all charged up
As they stood there face to face.
They dribbled, they passed, they faked, they shot
They moved with dazzling speed
But the two teams seemed so evenly matched
Neither one could hold the lead.

With 15 seconds left in the game
The Dream team led by one.
They knew if they could freeze the ball
The Jacksons would be done.
Just then the four young Jackson boys
Began to moan and groan
They dropped to the ground with bellyaches
Leaving Jackie standing alone.
Too much popcorn! Too many peanuts!
We had too much junk!”
We’re sorry, Jackie, we let you down!
It looks like the Jacksons are sunk!

The ref called time to remove the boys
“Game’s over!” he said. “You’re through!”
But Jackie said, “Look, I’ll play myself
If that’s what I have to do.”
So the ref gave Jackie the ball and said:
“There’s time for one more play.”
And Jackie said, “Well, that’s all I need.
I know I’ll find a way.”

Jackie took the ball and started out
Way at the end of the court,
But he still had to get past five of the best
Who ever played the sport.
As the clock kept ticking the seconds away
No mistake could he afford
But he went all the way with a brilliant display
And as the buzzer went off, he scored!

All the fans in the stands went wild
When Jackie won the game
And the Dream Team said he played so well
He belonged in the Hall of Fame.
So the Jackson 5 ended up on top
And we thank them one and all
For not only did they beat the best
They also saved the game of basketball.
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