- 1
Tism - (there's Gonna Be) Sex Tonite
- 2
Tism - (he'll Never Be An) 'ol Man River
- 3
Tism - Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me
- 4
Tism - If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished
- 5
Tism - Opposite Day
- 6
Tism - Untz Untz Untz Untz
- 7
Tism - (i Think I've Got) Mick Jagger Worked Out
- 8
Tism - (i'm Gonna Sit Right Down And) Whittle Away My Fur
- 9
Tism - 40 Years - Then Death
- 10
Tism - A Faceful Of Divertimenti
- 11
Tism - Abscess Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
- 12
Tism - All Homeboys Are Dickheads
- 13
Tism - All Ordinaries Index
- 14
Tism - Anarchy Means Crossing When It Says 'don't Walk'
- 15
Tism - And The Ass Said To The Angel: 'wanna Play Kick To
- 16
Tism - Apology Of The Thai Drug Runner
- 17
Tism - Aussiemandias
- 18
Tism - Australia - The World's Suburb
- 19
Tism - Babies Bite Back
- 20
Tism - Backstage With Ron Hitler
- 21
Tism - Bash This Up Your Ginger
- 22
Tism - Been Caught Wankin'
- 23
Tism - Bfw
- 24
Tism - Bishop = Handjob
- 25
Tism - Boot Party
- 26
Tism - Channel Turd
- 27
Tism - Choose Bad Smack
- 28
Tism - Come Back Dj, Your Record Is Scratched
- 29
Tism - Consumption Tax
- 30
Tism - Dazed And Confucious
- 31
Tism - Death Death Death Amway Amway Amway
- 32
Tism - Defecate On My Face
- 33
Tism - Denial Works For Me
- 34
Tism - Dicktatorship
- 35
Tism - Doug Parkinson Sings Christie Allen
- 36
Tism - Drop The 'tude
- 37
Tism - Dumb 'n' Base
- 38
Tism - Eckermann Is Very Silly
- 39
Tism - Existentialtism
- 40
Tism - Ezra Pound - Axe King
- 41
Tism - Ezra Pound - Axe King 2
- 42
Tism - Father And Son
- 43
Tism - Five Yards
- 44
Tism - Fourteen Years In Rowville
- 45
Tism - Fuck 'em, Fuck 'em - The Lot Of 'em
- 46
Tism - Garbage
- 47
Tism - Gas! Gas! An Ecstacy Of Fumbling
- 48
Tism - Get Thee In My Behind, Satan
- 49
Tism - Get Thee To A Nunnery
- 50
Tism - Gimme Gimme Nervous Breakdown
- 51
Tism - Give Up For Australia
- 52
Tism - Go The Knuckle
- 53
Tism - Gotta Root Out Of It
- 54
Tism - Great Expectorations
- 55
Tism - Greg! The Stop Sign!
- 56
Tism - Hello To All Our New Tism Fans
- 57
Tism - Honk If You Love Fred Durst
- 58
Tism - I Don't Want Tism, I Want A Girlfriend
- 59
Tism - I Drive A Truck
- 60
Tism - I Go Off
- 61
Tism - I Might Be A Cunt, But I'm Not A Fucking Cunt
- 62
Tism - I Shit Me
- 63
Tism - I'll 'ave Ya
- 64
Tism - I'm Interested In Apathy
- 65
Tism - I'm Into Led Zep
- 66
Tism - If You Ever Hear His Name, Harden Not Your Arterie
- 67
Tism - If You Want The Toilet, You're In It
- 68
Tism - If You're Creative, Get Stuffed
- 69
Tism - If You're Ugly, Forget It
- 70
Tism - In Defense Of Poetry
- 71
Tism - Jack Elliot's Turf Whinge
- 72
Tism - Jesus Pots The White Ball
- 73
Tism - Johnny To B. Or Not To B. Goode
- 74
Tism - Julius Seizure (act Iii, Scene Ii, Verse 73-118)
- 75
Tism - Jung Talent Time
- 76
Tism - Kate, Fischer Of Men
- 77
Tism - Kevin Borich Expressionism
- 78
Tism - Kevin Borich Expressionism Parts 1,2 And 4
- 79
Tism - Kill Americans
- 80
Tism - Kill Yourself Now And Avoid The Rush
- 81
Tism - Leo's Toltoy
- 82
Tism - Let's Club It To Death
- 83
Tism - Let's Form A Company
- 84
Tism - Life Kills
- 85
Tism - Life Kills 2
- 86
Tism - Lillee Caught Dilly Bowled Milli Vanilli
- 87
Tism - Long Hard Thirst Needs A Big Cold Beer, But I Dr
- 88
Tism - Lose Your Delusion Ii
- 89
Tism - Loser, Losing, Lost
- 90
Tism - Lyric For Jack
- 91
Tism - Martin Scorcese Is Really Quite A Jovial Fellow
- 92
Tism - Michael Hutchence In Hell
- 93
Tism - Michael Jackson's Conveyor Belt
- 94
Tism - Mistah Eliot - He Wanker
- 95
Tism - Morrison Hostel
- 96
Tism - Mourningtown Ride
- 97
Tism - Mr. Ches Baragwanath - State Auditor General
- 98
Tism - My Brilliant Huntington's Chorea
- 99
Tism - My Generation
- 100
Tism - Neighbours - Everybody Loves Good Neighbours
- 101
Tism - Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The House Of Repre
- 102
Tism - Nick Cave And Jim Morrison Play Kick To Kick
- 103
Tism - Play Mistral For Me
- 104
Tism - Professor Derrida Deconstructs
- 105
Tism - Pus
- 106
Tism - Pus Of The Dead
- 107
Tism - Put Your Dog To Sleep
- 108
Tism - Rebel Without A Paunch
- 109
Tism - Recorded By Triple J, Jan 23 1993, Melbourne Showg
- 110
Tism - Ron Hitler Barassi Talks About How He Does It
- 111
Tism - Root
- 112
Tism - Russia
- 113
Tism - Saturday Night Palsy
- 114
Tism - Schoolies Week
- 115
Tism - Sickie
- 116
Tism - State Schools Are Great Schools
- 117
Tism - Strictly Loungeroom
- 118
Tism - Subliminal Satanic Message
- 119
Tism - Take Your Love
- 120
Tism - Tale Of Two Faeces
- 121
Tism - Teenage Fucking Jesus
- 122
Tism - Ten Points For A Razor Scooter
- 123
Tism - The Art-income Dialectic
- 124
Tism - The Australian Guitar Hero Makes His Last Stand
- 125
Tism - The Back Upon Whic Jezza Jumped
- 126
Tism - The Ballad Of John Bonham's Coke Roadie
- 127
Tism - The Ballad Of Paul Keating
- 128
Tism - The Ballad Of The Semetic Nazi
- 129
Tism - The Fosters Carpark Boogie
- 130
Tism - The Judeo-christian Ethic
- 131
Tism - The Law Of Repulsion After Orgasm
- 132
Tism - The Love You Take Equals The Love You Make So Baby
- 133
Tism - The Men's Room
- 134
Tism - The Mordialloc Road Duplicator
- 135
Tism - The Mystery Of The Artist Explained
- 136
Tism - The Only Thing Stopping Me From Being Happier Is T
- 137
Tism - The Parable Of Glenn Mcgrath's Haircut
- 138
Tism - The Tism Boat Hire Offer
- 139
Tism - The Tism Nightsoil Cart And Horse Blues
- 140
Tism - There's More Men In Children Than Wisdom Knows
- 141
Tism - Thou Shalt Not Britney Spear
- 142
Tism - Thunderbirds Are Coming Out
- 143
Tism - Tism Club Song
- 144
Tism - Volare
- 145
Tism - Watering Systems
- 146
Tism - We Are The Champignons
- 147
Tism - Weddings, Parties, Anything
- 148
Tism - Wham Bam Thank You Imam
- 149
Tism - Whatareya
- 150
Tism - While My Catarrh Gently Weeps
- 151
Tism - Whinge Rock
- 152
Tism - Would The Last Person To Leave Please Turn Out The
- 153
Tism - X-treme Sports Can Kiss My Arse
- 154
Tism - Yob
Opposite Day
Tism
Let's both not go to school today and give the brain a rest -
You can't say missing one day could be taken seriously -
You can be sure that no-one will tell either families."
She thought about it for a while, then let go her old school bag;
"O.K," she told him, "I'm with you." Both teachers said: "Let's wag."
That day Constable Harrison was browsing city streets;
He walked along commandingly up and down Swanston Street.
A skateboarding kid flew right down the railings of St Paul's;
"Filthy move," said Con. Harrison, "But, ah oh - duty calls."
He walked right into Brashes and walked out suspiciously.
"Here," he told the skateboarding kid, "just flogged you this C.D."
The kid just pushed his dreadlocks back and looked up in surprise -
All he saw was a drug crazed stare deep in the policeman's eyes:
"I'm disappointed in you, dude," the skater told the cop:
"If we all had your attitude, it would be just great - not.
I'm gonna let you off this once, but just you look out, son.
Next time I'll call the cops, my boy." "Like, I care," said Harrison.
Harrison at the city looked - these were the real clean streets:
Gangs of polite teenagers played rap songs like Help da Police;
The new gardens were growing where the casino once stood,
The trains, they ran bang smack on time, and people thought they would;
Husbands sat in discrete cafes and flirted with their wives;
"I'll give you head," all girlfriends said; "Don't worry," said the guys.
The skater got back on his board, and rode off carefully;
Behind a fence two teachers hid, so that he couldn't see;
"Satan's spawn!" one teacher said, "that was a year nine kid!
The one I caught just yesterday repairing his desk lid."
"He didn't see," the other said, "thank god that we weren't sprung.
I hope I die before I'm him - who'd wanna be that young?"
Somewhere a distant song did play, the number one chart track.
"That's TISM," said one teacher - then: "I hate that mainstream crap.
Give me Billy Joel any day - TISM's just for fathers.
They're so ugly I think they should start wearing balaclavas."
(And so it is that even in a world where hot is cold
It seems that teachers still listen to a turd like Billy Joel.)
Harrison saw them both and said "Shouldn't you be at school?"
"Yeah, that's right cop," both of them said, and Harrison said: "Cool."
"Got any dope?" the policeman said, and then he looked disgusted,
'Cos both teachers admitted "Nope." That's right, folks - they're busted.
"I'm taking a dim view of this." The teachers' faces paled.
(They wouldn've been in trouble with a cop from New South Wales.)
"I'm taking you back home right now - don't dare not call me pig -
And you can explain why you were caught drug free to your kids."
I hope this is a lesson that all of you understand:
Wag school, and the next thing you know, you're in paddie van.
You can imagine, I suppose, the scene in the kitchen -
The teenage sons and daughters weep, the teachers think, "Bitchin' "
What's become of our social state, when it has come to this?
A teenage child just can't control their folks' rebelliousness?
Later that night the youngest child sat reading in her bed
("Don't stay up late" she told her mum) and to her self she said:
"I've heard that once in primary school they had Opposite Day,
Where what you said and what you meant both went two different ways.
"So if you liked someone you said "I think you really suck,"
Then said "On opposite day!" - that meant they were in luck.
But imagine if this happened not just in primary school,
And everywhere and everyone followed this kiddie rule!
Imagine an opposite world, though it is hard to do -
Newspapers for illiterates! Leaders say untruths!
"The best people this world ignores whilst the brats it coddles;
Rockstars are seen as serious - also supermodels;
In this world the actors would be treated as if they're kings,
And ordinary folks would just be like anonymous nothings."
The little girl put down her book, and rest her sleepy head.
"But that world could never exist. Thank you, Satan," she said.