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Cledus Went Down To Florida

Cledus T. Judd

Cledus went down to Florida, he was lookin' for a car to steal
He was in a bind, ten payments behind, so the bank repo'd his wheels
When he came across this old man down at Jalopy's Used Car Lot
Then Cledus jumped up on the top of one and said, "Feller, let me tell ya what
Now I'm not gon' be proud of the deed I'm 'bout to do
Well, no time to spare, I gotta be somewhere, so I'm gonna steal a car from you
Now I've seen you're selection here, and I admit the pickins are few
I know the Pinto's gold, but consider it stoled, 'cause I got a show to do."

The man said, "My name's Jalopy," as he gave an evil grin
'Cause he knew that car wouldn't get too far 'fore the motor blew up again

Cledus you better hit the road if you're gonna be a star
The show's way up in Georgia, and you're op'nin up for Garth
You're future's ridin' on this shiny Pinto painted gold
And if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show

Oh gosh! A pinto my foot. It drives more like a horse and buggy. Dern!

Cledus said, "No way in heck he's gonna op'm up that show."
Then fire flew from the manifold as his right front tire blowed
Then he pushed that wreck across the street, 'n man was Cledus tissed
And he tried 'n tried to start 'er up, but it sounded somethin' like this
.......Come on,...come on,...oh gosh! I'm in a mess.
What am I gonna do?
My one big shot for Garth Brooks.
Aw-hehe-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, oh dern it!

When Cledus opened up the hood, he said, "I'll be a son of a gun!"
And it didn't take long to figure out why the heck it wouldn't run

Fire from the engine, lots of smoke
He can already hear them redneck jokes
Dadblamed oilpan layn' in the road
Will he make the show? Heck no, heck no!

Ho-ho. (whistle) Taxi, Greyhound, yeller cab, somebody!
I'll show him a redneck.
He'll have a red neck when I get my hands around his throat.
I'm sick of it.

Cledus shook his head as he watched Foxworthy's show
And he heard him joke of how he passed a burnin' old Pinto
Then later on, Garth told Cledus, "You'll never get the chance again."
As he gave the check to that derned redneck who drove a Mercedes Benz
He said, "Tough break big guy. Before I go,
Would ya like to hear another redneck joke?
Did you know I got my own t.v. show?"
Well, does anybody watch it? No, heck no!

Well, you might be a redneck if your momma and daddy catches ya out behind the barn whippin' Jeff Foxworthy for talkin' about rednecks all time.
Ah shoot, I'm jes kiddin' Jeff.
I wished I could be your best friend. Do you like me? I'd love to be on your t.v. show.
Come here to me!

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