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Skoal: The Grundy County Spitting Incident

Cledus T. Judd

Sadie, pull this car over. Let me get me a can of Skoal.

Well, we went down to the Grundy County auction
The sign said no tobaccer where we sat
My wife told me that I should spit with caution
Or else we'll all wind up in a big ol' spat

And I said hush your mouth nobody's gonna mind
If I pack my lip and ignore the sign
'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all
Then, I've never seen anyone get so mad
From a little bit of spit on his John Deere hat
But I spit on him once, spit on him twice
Spit Skoal on the feller in the second row
Well he turned around and nearly broke my nose
I got a big fat lip, two black eyes
Shoulda just went and dipped outside

Well, it musta been about eight or nine more minutes
Until I pulled that can of Skoal back out
And I knew when I put my fingers in it
That I'd just spit it out amongst the crowd
...Look out!

And you know I really don't care if anybody minds
A pinch 'tween your cheek and gum is not a crime
So I'll do my spittin' and to heck with the rest of y'all
Well I've never saw people gettin' so dang mad
Worst County auction they've ever had
'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice
Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess
I even got a little on a lady's white dress
But in the end they got me back you see
They all took a dip and spit on me

Well, they pinned me down on the auction block
And took my Skoal away
And the town still hates to talk about
The mess that was made that day

When I said hush your mouth, nobody's gonna mind
If I pack my lip and ignore the sign
'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all
Well, I've never saw people gettin' so derned mad
The worst County auction they've ever had
'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice
Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess
I even got a little on a lady's white dress
Shoulda swallowed my dip, swallowed my pride
Shoulda just went and spit outsiiiiiiide.

Whew!

Boy, that was horrible!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well I went down to a Music City function
Where I just heard a song that I had to howl out
My lawyers told my to proceed with caution
Or I'd make a whole lot of songwriters mad

Uh-huh

And I said
Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind
If I take a song and make it mine all mine
Like I did so many times with old Tim McGraw's
Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine
Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines
Well I stole it once stole it twice
I STOLE it from a writer on Music Row
Well he just moved to town and he didn't know
About ASCAP, SESAC, or BMI
So he might as well kiss his song goodbye

I had my number two pencil going about a mile a minute
Till I had his ideas all written down
And I knew I really went and did it
When the police came and hauled my butt downtown

And I said
Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind
If I steal a song and make it mine all mine
Like I did so many times with Tim McGraw's
Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine
Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines
Well I stole it once stole it twice
I STOLE that song and I must confess
When I went to court I plead no contest
Got a big fat lip and two black eyes
Never should have messed with his copyright

Yeah
I told the judge I had writers block but he hauled my butt away
And now it hurts too much to laugh about the song I stole that day

When I said
Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind
If I steal a song and make it mine all mine
Like I did so many times with Tim McGraw
Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine
Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines
So I stole it once stole it twice
I STOLE it from a writer on Music Row
Well he just moved to town and he didn't know
About ASCAP, SESAC, or BMI
So he might as well kiss his song goodbye
(GASP)
EYE

STOLE

WHEE!!!!

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