I just needed somewhere dry, the rain was comin' down
Barged into a big bright house, wrong place, wrong town
An old lady kissed my cheek and poured me fancy wine
I'd never seen the bottle, but I figured I'd be fine
There was lobster, silverware, and eyes all on me
Groom's brother!, they cried, better than him, clearly!
Said the groom was off somewhere, hidin' with a drink
I eyed the booze I'd stashed away and gave 'em all a wink
I ain't scared of sin, I ain't scared of hell
But marriage puts a man under a spell
I'd rather fight a bear than wear that ring
Say I do, I'll be gone before you blink
I was eatin' like tomorrow might not come
Then somebody yelled, we can't find the groom, he's gone!
The bride stroked my arm, boy, you're somethin' else
Then a lady asked: Son, how 'bout you marry her yourself?
The bride pulled me upstairs, you'd better get prepared
What happened in that bedroom, a gentleman wouldn't share
She came out all rumpled when the groom walked through the door
He sighed: Hallelujah! Well, we had more in common than before
I ain't scared of sin, I ain't scared of hell
But marriage puts a man under a spell
I'd rather fight a bear than wear that ring
Say I do, I'll be gone before you blink
We climbed out the window, two grooms in wedding clothes
Ran like hell with her whole damn family close
Three counties down, we stopped at a roadside bar
He bought the first round, brothers from out west, that's who we are
I ain't scared of sin, I ain't scared of hell
But marriage puts a man under a spell
I'd rather fight a bear than wear that ring
Say I do, I'll be gone before you blink
