- 1
Frank Zappa - Uncle Remus
- 2
Frank Zappa - Watermelon In Easter Hay
- 3
Frank Zappa - Muffin Man
- 4
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown
- 5
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown Goes Down
- 6
Frank Zappa - Peaches En Regalia
- 7
Frank Zappa - Outside Now
- 8
Frank Zappa - Apostrophe(')
- 9
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions
- 10
Frank Zappa - Inca Roads
- 11
Frank Zappa - Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?
- 12
Frank Zappa - Camarillo Brillo
- 13
Frank Zappa - Catholic Girls
- 14
Frank Zappa - Cosmik Debris
- 15
Frank Zappa - Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
- 16
Frank Zappa - He Used To Cut The Grass
- 17
Frank Zappa - A Token Of My Extreme
- 18
Frank Zappa - Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
- 19
Frank Zappa - Jewish Princess
- 20
Frank Zappa - Sy Borg
- 21
Frank Zappa - Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance
- 22
Frank Zappa - Willie The Pimp
- 23
Frank Zappa - Dong Work For Yuda
- 24
Frank Zappa - Flakes
- 25
Frank Zappa - Florentine Pogen
- 26
Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage
- 27
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasy
- 28
Frank Zappa - Stick It Out
- 29
Frank Zappa - The Torture Never Stops
- 30
Frank Zappa - Trouble Every Day
- 31
Frank Zappa - Any Way The Wind Blows
- 32
Frank Zappa - Broken Hearts Are For Assholes
- 33
Frank Zappa - Centerville
- 34
Frank Zappa - Crew Slut
- 35
Frank Zappa - Dirty Love
- 36
Frank Zappa - I'm Not Satisfied
- 37
Frank Zappa - Packard Goose
- 38
Frank Zappa - Stink-Foot
- 39
Frank Zappa - We Are Not Alone
- 40
Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is
- 41
Frank Zappa - A Little Green Rosetta
- 42
Frank Zappa - Dumb All Over
- 43
Frank Zappa - On The Bus
- 44
Frank Zappa - Scrutinizer Postlude
- 45
Frank Zappa - Titties & Beer
- 46
Frank Zappa - America Drinks & Goes Home
- 47
Frank Zappa - Baby Snakes
- 48
Frank Zappa - Dental Hygiene Dilemma
- 49
Frank Zappa - For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)
- 50
Frank Zappa - Goblin Girl
- 51
Frank Zappa - Hungry Freaks, Daddy
- 52
Frank Zappa - I Have Been In You
- 53
Frank Zappa - I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth
- 54
Frank Zappa - Jumbo Go Away
- 55
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
- 56
Frank Zappa - Mother People
- 57
Frank Zappa - Nanook Rubs It
- 58
Frank Zappa - Po-Jama People
- 59
Frank Zappa - San Ber'dino
- 60
Frank Zappa - Sexual Harassment In The Workplace
- 61
Frank Zappa - Son Of Mr. Green Genes
- 62
Frank Zappa - Stick Together
- 63
Frank Zappa - The Central Scrutinizer
- 64
Frank Zappa - The Evil Prince
- 65
Frank Zappa - The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet
- 66
Frank Zappa - When The Lie's So Big
- 67
Frank Zappa - Wind Up Working In A Gas Station
- 68
Frank Zappa - You Didn't Try To Call Me
- 69
Frank Zappa - Zoot Allures
- 70
Frank Zappa - 200 Years Old
- 71
Frank Zappa - Agency Man
- 72
Frank Zappa - Ain't Got No Heart
- 73
Frank Zappa - Andy
- 74
Frank Zappa - Big Leg Emma
- 75
Frank Zappa - Black Napkins
- 76
Frank Zappa - Bow Tie Daddy
- 77
Frank Zappa - Briefcase Boogie
- 78
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable
- 79
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy
- 80
Frank Zappa - Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus
- 81
Frank Zappa - Dinah Moe Humm
- 82
Frank Zappa - Drop Dead
- 83
Frank Zappa - Elvis Has Just Left The Building
- 84
Frank Zappa - Father O'Blivion
- 85
Frank Zappa - Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
- 86
Frank Zappa - Heavenly Bank Account
- 87
Frank Zappa - Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?
- 88
Frank Zappa - I'm So Cute
- 89
Frank Zappa - I'm The Slime
- 90
Frank Zappa - Jones Crusher
- 91
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasey
- 92
Frank Zappa - Lemme Take You To The Beach
- 93
Frank Zappa - Let's Make The Water Turn Black
- 94
Frank Zappa - Moggio
- 95
Frank Zappa - Montana
- 96
Frank Zappa - Motherly Love
- 97
Frank Zappa - Plastic People
- 98
Frank Zappa - Pound For A Brown
- 99
Frank Zappa - Punky's Whips
- 100
Frank Zappa - Room Service
- 101
Frank Zappa - Satumaa (Finnish Tango)
- 102
Frank Zappa - Sex
- 103
Frank Zappa - Sofa #2
- 104
Frank Zappa - Son Of Orange County
- 105
Frank Zappa - Son Of Suzy Creamcheese
- 106
Frank Zappa - St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
- 107
Frank Zappa - Stevie's Spanking
- 108
Frank Zappa - Strictly Genteel (The Finale)
- 109
Frank Zappa - Teen-Age Prostitute
- 110
Frank Zappa - The Air
- 111
Frank Zappa - The Dangerous Kitchen
- 112
Frank Zappa - The Jazz Discharge Party Hats
- 113
Frank Zappa - The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou
- 114
Frank Zappa - The Mud Shark
- 115
Frank Zappa - The Radio Is Broken
- 116
Frank Zappa - The Voice Of Cheese
- 117
Frank Zappa - Tiger Roach
- 118
Frank Zappa - Time Is Money
- 119
Frank Zappa - Tryin' To Grow A Chin
- 120
Frank Zappa - Valley Girl
- 121
Frank Zappa - What Kind Of Girl Do You Think We Are?
- 122
Frank Zappa - Wowie Zowie
- 123
Frank Zappa - Zomby Woof
- 124
Frank Zappa - 200 Motels Fineale
- 125
Frank Zappa - 5050
- 126
Frank Zappa - 9/8 Objects
- 127
Frank Zappa - A Few Moments With Brother A. West
- 128
Frank Zappa - A Game Of Cards
- 129
Frank Zappa - A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes
- 130
Frank Zappa - A Typical Sound Check
- 131
Frank Zappa - Absolutely Free
- 132
Frank Zappa - Advance Romance
- 133
Frank Zappa - Advance Romance (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 3 )
- 134
Frank Zappa - Alley Cat
- 135
Frank Zappa - America Drinks
- 136
Frank Zappa - Amnesia Vivace
- 137
Frank Zappa - Any Downers?
- 138
Frank Zappa - Any Kind Of Pain
- 139
Frank Zappa - Anything
- 140
Frank Zappa - Approximate
- 141
Frank Zappa - Are You Hung Up?
- 142
Frank Zappa - Are You Upset?
- 143
Frank Zappa - Artificial Rhonda
- 144
Frank Zappa - At The Gas Station
- 145
Frank Zappa - Babbette
- 146
Frank Zappa - Baby Please Don't Go (feat. John Lennon)
- 147
Frank Zappa - Baby, Take Your Teeth Out
- 148
Frank Zappa - Bacon Fat
- 149
Frank Zappa - Baked-Bean Boogie
- 150
Frank Zappa - Bamboozled By Love
- 151
Frank Zappa - Be In My Video
- 152
Frank Zappa - Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church)
- 153
Frank Zappa - Beauty Knows No Pain
- 154
Frank Zappa - Big Swifty
- 155
Frank Zappa - Billy The Mountain
- 156
Frank Zappa - Brown Moses
- 157
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It
- 158
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Rebellion)
- 159
Frank Zappa - Bwana Dik
- 160
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band From L.A.)
- 161
Frank Zappa - Can't Afford No Shoes
- 162
Frank Zappa - Carol, You Fool
- 163
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 4)
- 164
Frank Zappa - Chana In De Bushwop
- 165
Frank Zappa - Charles Ives
- 166
Frank Zappa - Charlie's Enormous Mouth
- 167
Frank Zappa - Charva
- 168
Frank Zappa - Cheap Thrills
- 169
Frank Zappa - Cheepnis
- 170
Frank Zappa - Chocolate Halvah
- 171
Frank Zappa - Chunga's Revenge
- 172
Frank Zappa - Church Chat
- 173
Frank Zappa - City Of Tiny Lites
- 174
Frank Zappa - City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 5)
- 175
Frank Zappa - Clowns On Velvet
- 176
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 177
Frank Zappa - Cock-Suckers' Ball
- 178
Frank Zappa - Concentration Moon
- 179
Frank Zappa - Conehead
- 180
Frank Zappa - Cops & Buns
- 181
Frank Zappa - Cruising For Burgers
- 182
Frank Zappa - Cucamonga
- 183
Frank Zappa - Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
- 184
Frank Zappa - Dance Contest
- 185
Frank Zappa - Dancin' Fool
- 186
Frank Zappa - Debra Kadabra
- 187
Frank Zappa - Dental Hygeine Dilemma
- 188
Frank Zappa - Deseri
- 189
Frank Zappa - Dew On The Newts We Got
- 190
Frank Zappa - Dickie's Such An Asshole
- 191
Frank Zappa - Didja Get Any Onya?
- 192
Frank Zappa - Directly From My Heart To You
- 193
Frank Zappa - Disco Boy
- 194
Frank Zappa - Diseases Of The Band
- 195
Frank Zappa - Do You Like My New Car?
- 196
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind of Life Does This Kind of Life?
- 197
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?
- 198
Frank Zappa - Dog Breath
- 199
Frank Zappa - Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague
- 200
Frank Zappa - Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?
- 201
Frank Zappa - Doreen
- 202
Frank Zappa - Doreen (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 5)
- 203
Frank Zappa - Drafted Again
- 204
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch
- 205
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 206
Frank Zappa - Drums Are Too Noisy
- 207
Frank Zappa - Duke Of Prunes
- 208
Frank Zappa - Dummy Up
- 209
Frank Zappa - Easy Meat
- 210
Frank Zappa - Echidna's Arf (Of You)
- 211
Frank Zappa - Eddie, Are You Kidding?
- 212
Frank Zappa - Electric Aunt Jemima
- 213
Frank Zappa - Envelops The Bath Tub
- 214
Frank Zappa - Epilogue
- 215
Frank Zappa - Evelyn, A Modified Dog
- 216
Frank Zappa - Excentrifugal Forz
- 217
Frank Zappa - Fifty-Fifty
- 218
Frank Zappa - Find Her Finer
- 219
Frank Zappa - Fine Girl
- 220
Frank Zappa - Flambay
- 221
Frank Zappa - Flower Punk
- 222
Frank Zappa - For The Young Sophisticate
- 223
Frank Zappa - Fountain Of Love
- 224
Frank Zappa - Frank Zappa
- 225
Frank Zappa - Frogs With Dirty Little Lips
- 226
Frank Zappa - Fuck Yourself
- 227
Frank Zappa - Galoot Up-Date
- 228
Frank Zappa - Geneva Farewell
- 229
Frank Zappa - German Lunch
- 230
Frank Zappa - Get A Little
- 231
Frank Zappa - God Bless America
- 232
Frank Zappa - Half A Dozen Provocative Squats
- 233
Frank Zappa - Happy Together
- 234
Frank Zappa - Harder Than Your Husband
- 235
Frank Zappa - Harry & Rhonda
- 236
Frank Zappa - Harry-As-A-Boy
- 237
Frank Zappa - Harry, You're A Beast
- 238
Frank Zappa - He's So Gay
- 239
Frank Zappa - Help, I'm a Rock
- 240
Frank Zappa - Here Lies Love
- 241
Frank Zappa - Holding The Group Back
- 242
Frank Zappa - Holiday In Berlin
- 243
Frank Zappa - Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)
- 244
Frank Zappa - Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel
- 245
Frank Zappa - Hot Poop
- 246
Frank Zappa - How Could I Be Such A Fool
- 247
Frank Zappa - How Could I Be Such A Fool?
- 248
Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart
- 249
Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellion)
- 250
Frank Zappa - I Come From Nowhere
- 251
Frank Zappa - I Don't Even Care
- 252
Frank Zappa - I Don't Wanna Get Drafted
- 253
Frank Zappa - I'm A Band Leader
- 254
Frank Zappa - I'm A Beautiful Guy
- 255
Frank Zappa - I'm So Happy I Could Cry
- 256
Frank Zappa - I'm Stealing The Towels
- 257
Frank Zappa - Ian Underwood Whips It Out
- 258
Frank Zappa - If Only She Woulda
- 259
Frank Zappa - If We'd All Been Living In California...
- 260
Frank Zappa - In France
- 261
Frank Zappa - Intro (The Yellow Shark Album)
- 262
Frank Zappa - Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin
- 263
Frank Zappa - It Can't Happen Here
- 264
Frank Zappa - It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal
- 265
Frank Zappa - Janet's Big Dance Number
- 266
Frank Zappa - JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1
- 267
Frank Zappa - JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2
- 268
Frank Zappa - Jelly Roll Gum Drop
- 269
Frank Zappa - Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
- 270
Frank Zappa - Jezebel Boy
- 271
Frank Zappa - Johnny Darling
- 272
Frank Zappa - Just One More Time
- 273
Frank Zappa - Kaiser Rolls
- 274
Frank Zappa - Kangaroos
- 275
Frank Zappa - Kenny's Booger Story
- 276
Frank Zappa - King Kong
- 277
Frank Zappa - Later That Night
- 278
Frank Zappa - Latex Solar Beef
- 279
Frank Zappa - Let's Move To Cleveland
- 280
Frank Zappa - Library Card
- 281
Frank Zappa - Like It Or Not
- 282
Frank Zappa - Little Girl Of Mine
- 283
Frank Zappa - Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courturoy Ponce
- 284
Frank Zappa - Little House I Used To Live In
- 285
Frank Zappa - Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore East )
- 286
Frank Zappa - Little Rubber Girl
- 287
Frank Zappa - Little Umbrellas
- 288
Frank Zappa - Lonely Little Girl
- 289
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Cowboy Burt
- 290
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Cowboy Nando
- 291
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Electric Turkey
- 292
Frank Zappa - Lost In A Whirlpool
- 293
Frank Zappa - Louie Louie
- 294
Frank Zappa - Love Of My Life
- 295
Frank Zappa - Love Story
- 296
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 297
Frank Zappa - Lumpy Gravy I
- 298
Frank Zappa - Magdalena
- 299
Frank Zappa - Magic Fingers
- 300
Frank Zappa - Man With The Woman Head
Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
Frank Zappa
SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...
IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
"Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N'all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills...
confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
MARY: Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him... or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night...
BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?
MARY:
Ah, the bus...
BUDDY JONES:
Which one?
MARY:
You know...the last tour...
You know...
Leather
BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III...
why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And
Mary's the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who'll do anything...
MARY:
Anything...
BUDDY JONES:
I said anything... for fifty bucks
That's right!
MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed... that's right,you
heard right... our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances...
MARY: Here I am!
BUDDY JONES: ...
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
MARY:
EEEK!
BUDDY JONES:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you ...sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead... AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD...
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess...she's totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That's it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!
MARY:
Here I am!
BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little...
BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
MARY:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!
BUDDY JONES:
Ain't this what living is really all about!
Here's your fifty bucks, Mary...
MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.
MARY:
On the bus.
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