- 1
Frank Zappa - I'm The Slime
- 2
Frank Zappa - Penis Dimension
- 3
Frank Zappa - Uncle Remus
- 4
Frank Zappa - No No No
- 5
Frank Zappa - Prologue
- 6
Frank Zappa - King Kong
- 7
Frank Zappa - Ian Underwood Whips It Out
- 8
Frank Zappa - Sex
- 9
Frank Zappa - Brown Moses
- 10
Frank Zappa - Dog Breath
- 11
Frank Zappa - Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)
- 12
Frank Zappa - Penguin In Bondage
- 13
Frank Zappa - The Air
- 14
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown Goes Down
- 15
Frank Zappa - Echidna's Arf (Of You)
- 16
Frank Zappa - Advance Romance (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 3 )
- 17
Frank Zappa - Dinah Moe Humm
- 18
Frank Zappa - Envelops The Bath Tub
- 19
Frank Zappa - Our Bizarre Relationship
- 20
Frank Zappa - Magdalena
- 21
Frank Zappa - Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink
- 22
Frank Zappa - The Central Scrutinizer
- 23
Frank Zappa - Baby Snakes
- 24
Frank Zappa - Charlie's Enormous Mouth
- 25
Frank Zappa - Dummy Up
- 26
Frank Zappa - If We'd All Been Living In California...
- 27
Frank Zappa - Ride My Face To Chicago
- 28
Frank Zappa - Sharleena
- 29
Frank Zappa - Sleeping In A Jar
- 30
Frank Zappa - Stuff Up The Cracks
- 31
Frank Zappa - A Token Of My Extreme
- 32
Frank Zappa - Briefcase Boogie
- 33
Frank Zappa - Diseases Of The Band
- 34
Frank Zappa - Drop Dead
- 35
Frank Zappa - He Used To Cut The Grass
- 36
Frank Zappa - Can't Afford No Shoes
- 37
Frank Zappa - Fifty-Fifty
- 38
Frank Zappa - Inca Roads
- 39
Frank Zappa - Love Of My Life
- 40
Frank Zappa - Packard Goose
- 41
Frank Zappa - The Downtown Talent Scout
- 42
Frank Zappa - Any Kind Of Pain
- 43
Frank Zappa - City Of Tiny Lites
- 44
Frank Zappa - Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
- 45
Frank Zappa - Doreen
- 46
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
- 47
Frank Zappa - Montana
- 48
Frank Zappa - Dirty Love
- 49
Frank Zappa - Help, I'm a Rock
- 50
Frank Zappa - Hot Poop
- 51
Frank Zappa - Johnny Darling
- 52
Frank Zappa - Anything
- 53
Frank Zappa - Clowns On Velvet
- 54
Frank Zappa - Electric Aunt Jemima
- 55
Frank Zappa - I'm Stealing The Towels
- 56
Frank Zappa - Mudd Club
- 57
Frank Zappa - Mystery Roach
- 58
Frank Zappa - The Duke of Prunes
- 59
Frank Zappa - Uncle Bernie's Farm
- 60
Frank Zappa - A Game Of Cards
- 61
Frank Zappa - Dancin' Fool
- 62
Frank Zappa - Drums Are Too Noisy
- 63
Frank Zappa - God Bless America
- 64
Frank Zappa - Holding The Group Back
- 65
Frank Zappa - I'm Not Satisfied
- 66
Frank Zappa - Little House I Used To Live In
- 67
Frank Zappa - Ronnie's Booger Story
- 68
Frank Zappa - Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top
- 69
Frank Zappa - German Lunch
- 70
Frank Zappa - Magic Fingers
- 71
Frank Zappa - Be In My Video
- 72
Frank Zappa - Centerville
- 73
Frank Zappa - Cock-Suckers' Ball
- 74
Frank Zappa - Cucamonga
- 75
Frank Zappa - Fountain Of Love
- 76
Frank Zappa - Galoot Up-Date
- 77
Frank Zappa - I Don't Even Care
- 78
Frank Zappa - Punky's Whips
- 79
Frank Zappa - Are You Hung Up?
- 80
Frank Zappa - Chocolate Halvah
- 81
Frank Zappa - Dew On The Newts We Got
- 82
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind of Life Does This Kind of Life?
- 83
Frank Zappa - Harder Than Your Husband
- 84
Frank Zappa - It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal
- 85
Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage
- 86
Frank Zappa - Oh-Umm
- 87
Frank Zappa - 200 Years Old
- 88
Frank Zappa - A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes
- 89
Frank Zappa - Beauty Knows No Pain
- 90
Frank Zappa - Jewish Princess
- 91
Frank Zappa - The Crab-Grass Baby
- 92
Frank Zappa - Tuna Fish Bolero
- 93
Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is
- 94
Frank Zappa - Any Downers?
- 95
Frank Zappa - Camarillo Brillo
- 96
Frank Zappa - Conehead
- 97
Frank Zappa - Florentine Pogen
- 98
Frank Zappa - Harry, You're A Beast
- 99
Frank Zappa - I Have Been In You
- 100
Frank Zappa - JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1
- 101
Frank Zappa - Meow
- 102
Frank Zappa - How Could I Be Such A Fool?
- 103
Frank Zappa - Soft-sell Conclusion
- 104
Frank Zappa - Spider Of Destiny
- 105
Frank Zappa - Stick It Out
- 106
Frank Zappa - Would You Like A Snack?
- 107
Frank Zappa - Big Leg Emma
- 108
Frank Zappa - Let's Make The Water Turn Black
- 109
Frank Zappa - Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt
- 110
Frank Zappa - Muffin Man
- 111
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It
- 112
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy
- 113
Frank Zappa - Half A Dozen Provocative Squats
- 114
Frank Zappa - I'm A Band Leader
- 115
Frank Zappa - Jelly Roll Gum Drop
- 116
Frank Zappa - Road Ladies
- 117
Frank Zappa - Tell Me You Love Me
- 118
Frank Zappa - The 'Torchum' Never Stops
- 119
Frank Zappa - The Finale
- 120
Frank Zappa - America Drinks
- 121
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable
- 122
Frank Zappa - Fine Girl
- 123
Frank Zappa - Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
- 124
Frank Zappa - Nig Biz
- 125
Frank Zappa - Satumaa (Finnish Tango)
- 126
Frank Zappa - Son Of Mr. Green Genes
- 127
Frank Zappa - Alley Cat
- 128
Frank Zappa - Library Card
- 129
Frank Zappa - Lonely Little Girl
- 130
Frank Zappa - Sweet Leilani
- 131
Frank Zappa - Artificial Rhonda
- 132
Frank Zappa - Cheap Thrills
- 133
Frank Zappa - Flakes
- 134
Frank Zappa - Jumbo Go Away
- 135
Frank Zappa - Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courturoy Ponce
- 136
Frank Zappa - Po-Jama People
- 137
Frank Zappa - Society Pages
- 138
Frank Zappa - For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)
- 139
Frank Zappa - Mary Lou
- 140
Frank Zappa - Mr. Green Genes
- 141
Frank Zappa - Planet Of My Dreams
- 142
Frank Zappa - Watermelon In Easter Hay
- 143
Frank Zappa - You Didn't Try To Call Me
- 144
Frank Zappa - Bacon Fat
- 145
Frank Zappa - Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?
- 146
Frank Zappa - Porn Wars
- 147
Frank Zappa - St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
- 148
Frank Zappa - Teenage Wind
- 149
Frank Zappa - The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing
- 150
Frank Zappa - Cosmik Debris
- 151
Frank Zappa - No, No Cherry
- 152
Frank Zappa - The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth
- 153
Frank Zappa - Tuna Fish Promenade
- 154
Frank Zappa - Bobby Brown
- 155
Frank Zappa - Deseri
- 156
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasey
- 157
Frank Zappa - Latex Solar Beef
- 158
Frank Zappa - Peaches En Regalia
- 159
Frank Zappa - The Dead Girls Of London
- 160
Frank Zappa - The Florida Airport Tape
- 161
Frank Zappa - The Idiot Bastard Son
- 162
Frank Zappa - What Ever Happened To All The Fun In The World
- 163
Frank Zappa - Apostrophe(')
- 164
Frank Zappa - Baked-Bean Boogie
- 165
Frank Zappa - Father O'Blivion
- 166
Frank Zappa - Lost In A Whirlpool
- 167
Frank Zappa - When The Lie's So Big
- 168
Frank Zappa - Broken Hearts Are For Assholes
- 169
Frank Zappa - Kaiser Rolls
- 170
Frank Zappa - What's New In Baltimore?
- 171
Frank Zappa - Catholic Girls
- 172
Frank Zappa - Murder By Numbers
- 173
Frank Zappa - Tengo Na Minchia Tanta
- 174
Frank Zappa - Willie The Pimp
- 175
Frank Zappa - Big Swifty
- 176
Frank Zappa - Semi-Fraudulent/Direct-From-Hollywood Overture
- 177
Frank Zappa - The White Boy Troubles
- 178
Frank Zappa - This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Reprise)
- 179
Frank Zappa - Valley Girl
- 180
Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is (in album Thing-fish)
- 181
Frank Zappa - He's So Gay
- 182
Frank Zappa - Montana (Whipping Floss)
- 183
Frank Zappa - Stink-Foot
- 184
Frank Zappa - The Blue Light
- 185
Frank Zappa - The Torture Never Stops
- 186
Frank Zappa - Who Are The Brain Police?
- 187
Frank Zappa - Wind Up Workin' In The Gas Station
- 188
Frank Zappa - Chunga's Revenge
- 189
Frank Zappa - Crew Slut
- 190
Frank Zappa - Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?
- 191
Frank Zappa - Nanook Rubs It
- 192
Frank Zappa - Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke
- 193
Frank Zappa - Sofa #2
- 194
Frank Zappa - Take Me Out To The Ball Game
- 195
Frank Zappa - Any Way The Wind Blows
- 196
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions
- 197
Frank Zappa - Epilogue
- 198
Frank Zappa - Little Umbrellas
- 199
Frank Zappa - Lonesome Electric Turkey
- 200
Frank Zappa - Motherly Love
- 201
Frank Zappa - Tears Began To Fall
- 202
Frank Zappa - The Untouchables
- 203
Frank Zappa - Titties & Beer
- 204
Frank Zappa - What's The Ugliest part Of Your Body?
- 205
Frank Zappa - Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?
- 206
Frank Zappa - Yo' Mama
- 207
Frank Zappa - Your Mouth
- 208
Frank Zappa - 9/8 Objects
- 209
Frank Zappa - America Drinks & Goes Home
- 210
Frank Zappa - Andy
- 211
Frank Zappa - Baby Please Don't Go (feat. John Lennon)
- 212
Frank Zappa - Cruising For Burgers
- 213
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch
- 214
Frank Zappa - I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth
- 215
Frank Zappa - Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin
- 216
Frank Zappa - Keep It Greasy
- 217
Frank Zappa - Louie Louie
- 218
Frank Zappa - Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 219
Frank Zappa - On The Bus
- 220
Frank Zappa - Once Upon A Time
- 221
Frank Zappa - Peaches III
- 222
Frank Zappa - Pygmy Twylyte
- 223
Frank Zappa - St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast
- 224
Frank Zappa - The Jazz Discharge Party Hats
- 225
Frank Zappa - The Orange County Lumber Truck
- 226
Frank Zappa - The Poodle Lecture
- 227
Frank Zappa - Valarie
- 228
Frank Zappa - Weasels Ripped My Flesh
- 229
Frank Zappa - Whippin' Post (in album Does Humor Belong In Music)
- 230
Frank Zappa - Zomby Woof
- 231
Frank Zappa - 5050
- 232
Frank Zappa - A Little Green Rosetta
- 233
Frank Zappa - Absolutely Free
- 234
Frank Zappa - Ain't Got No Heart
- 235
Frank Zappa - Approximate
- 236
Frank Zappa - Baby, Take Your Teeth Out
- 237
Frank Zappa - Billy The Mountain
- 238
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 239
Frank Zappa - Dental Hygeine Dilemma
- 240
Frank Zappa - Directly From My Heart To You
- 241
Frank Zappa - Disco Boy
- 242
Frank Zappa - Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?
- 243
Frank Zappa - Drowning Witch (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 3)
- 244
Frank Zappa - Excentrifugal Forz
- 245
Frank Zappa - Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
- 246
Frank Zappa - For The Young Sophisticate
- 247
Frank Zappa - Get A Little
- 248
Frank Zappa - Goblin Girl
- 249
Frank Zappa - Harry-As-A-Boy
- 250
Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart
- 251
Frank Zappa - I Come From Nowhere
- 252
Frank Zappa - Let's Move To Cleveland
- 253
Frank Zappa - Master Ringo
- 254
Frank Zappa - My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama
- 255
Frank Zappa - Nasal Retentive Calliope Music
- 256
Frank Zappa - No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve
- 257
Frank Zappa - Oh No
- 258
Frank Zappa - Panty Rap
- 259
Frank Zappa - Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask
- 260
Frank Zappa - Pygmy Twylite
- 261
Frank Zappa - Room Service
- 262
Frank Zappa - Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme
- 263
Frank Zappa - San Ber'dino
- 264
Frank Zappa - Scrutinizer Extreme
- 265
Frank Zappa - Sleep Dirt
- 266
Frank Zappa - Stick Together
- 267
Frank Zappa - Sy Borg
- 268
Frank Zappa - Teen-Age Prostitute
- 269
Frank Zappa - The Beatles Medley
- 270
Frank Zappa - The Duke Regains His Chops
- 271
Frank Zappa - The Girls Dream
- 272
Frank Zappa - The Little March
- 273
Frank Zappa - The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath
- 274
Frank Zappa - The Mud Shark
- 275
Frank Zappa - The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet
- 276
Frank Zappa - The Voice Of Cheese
- 277
Frank Zappa - This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Prologue)
- 278
Frank Zappa - This Town Is Just A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Prologue)
- 279
Frank Zappa - Tiny Sick Tears
- 280
Frank Zappa - Trouble Every Day
- 281
Frank Zappa - Trouble Every Day (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 5)
- 282
Frank Zappa - Tryin' To Grow A Chin
- 283
Frank Zappa - Very Distraughtening
- 284
Frank Zappa - What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning?
- 285
Frank Zappa - Where Is Johnny Velvet?
- 286
Frank Zappa - Whippin' Post
- 287
Frank Zappa - Who Needs The Peace Corps?
- 288
Frank Zappa - Wild Love
- 289
Frank Zappa - Wind Up Working In A Gas Station
- 290
Frank Zappa - Wowie Zowie
- 291
Frank Zappa - You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here
- 292
Frank Zappa - A Few Moments With Brother A. West
- 293
Frank Zappa - Amnesia Vivace
- 294
Frank Zappa - Are You Upset?
- 295
Frank Zappa - Babbette
- 296
Frank Zappa - Black Napkins
- 297
Frank Zappa - Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Rebellion)
- 298
Frank Zappa - Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band From L.A.)
- 299
Frank Zappa - Carol, You Fool
- 300
Frank Zappa - Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't do That On Stage Anymore vol 4)
Fembot In A Wet T-shirt
Frank Zappa
SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...
IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
"Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N'all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills...
confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
MARY: Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him... or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night...
BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?
MARY:
Ah, the bus...
BUDDY JONES:
Which one?
MARY:
You know...the last tour...
You know...
Leather
BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III...
why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And
Mary's the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who'll do anything...
MARY:
Anything...
BUDDY JONES:
I said anything... for fifty bucks
That's right!
MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed... that's right,you
heard right... our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances...
MARY: Here I am!
BUDDY JONES: ...
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
MARY:
EEEK!
BUDDY JONES:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you ...sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead... AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD...
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess...she's totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That's it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!
MARY:
Here I am!
BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little...
BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
MARY:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!
BUDDY JONES:
Ain't this what living is really all about!
Here's your fifty bucks, Mary...
MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.
MARY:
On the bus.