- 1
La Dispute - Such Small Hands
- 2
La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)
- 3
La Dispute - Andria
- 4
La Dispute - King Park
- 5
La Dispute - Why It Scares Me
- 6
La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks
- 7
La Dispute - Bury Your Flames
- 8
La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound
- 9
La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain
- 10
La Dispute - A Broken Jar
- 11
La Dispute - Autofiction detail
- 12
La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again
- 13
La Dispute - I Shaved My Head
- 14
La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers
- 15
La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car
- 16
La Dispute - Six
- 17
La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues
- 18
La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas
- 19
La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi
- 20
La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In
- 21
La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent
- 22
La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window
- 23
La Dispute - You And I In Unison
- 24
La Dispute - Damaged Goods
- 25
La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times
- 26
La Dispute - End Times Sermon
- 27
La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville
- 28
La Dispute - Future Wars
- 29
La Dispute - I See Everything
- 30
La Dispute - In Northern Michigan
- 31
La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies
- 32
La Dispute - Said the King To the River
- 33
La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009
- 34
La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards
- 35
La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power
- 36
La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral
- 37
La Dispute - The Field
- 38
La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit
- 39
La Dispute - Thirteen
- 40
La Dispute - Woman (Reading)
- 41
La Dispute - A
- 42
La Dispute - A Departure
- 43
La Dispute - A Letter
- 44
La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning
- 45
La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown
- 46
La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film
- 47
La Dispute - Fairmount
- 48
La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice
- 49
La Dispute - Four
- 50
La Dispute - Fulton Street I
- 51
La Dispute - Harder Harmonies
- 52
La Dispute - How I Feel
- 53
La Dispute - Nine
- 54
La Dispute - Objects In Space
- 55
La Dispute - One
- 56
La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan
- 57
La Dispute - See You In Vancouver
- 58
La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound
- 59
La Dispute - Ten
- 60
La Dispute - The Castle Builders
- 61
La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist
- 62
La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right
- 63
La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)
- 64
La Dispute - Three
- 65
La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet
- 66
La Dispute - Twelve
- 67
La Dispute - Two
- 68
La Dispute - Untitled
- 69
La Dispute - 35
- 70
La Dispute - A Poem
- 71
La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama
- 72
La Dispute - Eight
- 73
La Dispute - Eleven
- 74
La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party
- 75
La Dispute - Five
- 76
La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond
- 77
La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii
- 78
La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid
- 79
La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In
- 80
La Dispute - Last Blues
- 81
La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles
- 82
La Dispute - Only Everything Below
- 83
La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief
- 84
La Dispute - Saturation Diver
- 85
La Dispute - Seven
- 86
La Dispute - Stay Happy There
- 87
La Dispute - Steve
- 88
La Dispute - The Child We Lost
- 89
La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms
- 90
La Dispute - You Ascendant
Why It Scares Me
La Dispute
Just to see if the people around me react.
Sometimes I think they're all acting,
At times I'm scared that I'm acting too. Like,
My movements or stage directions?
Was that a change in topic or a beat in a scene?
Have I been taking my emotional cues from a script I wrote at sixteen?
Maybe I just think about it all so much
That that the fear stays close to all the ghosts I've touched.
Makes me question
Was it love or just lust?
Caked in blood or old rust?
I don't know.
Don't we remember all the moments we remember the best
Framed in poems and in pictures, sang aloud in refrains?
Does this cycle of pain and disdain for the past
Not work exactly the same?
Maybe it's just as much about what comes our way as it is about how we react.
Just as much about the things that we've still got as it is about the things we lack.
I know we won't always keep around all we feel we need-
some are fading in frames, some were born to leave-
But if we're still here, and we still breathe,
I guess we've still got time to figure it out,
To know what to do,
To know how to feel,
Know the things that I've been making up inside my head, and
To know what's real.
I want to believe that the way I am is just the way things go.
For the things that came, not the things I chose
to come.
I want to know if I had any control.
I want to know if it'd comfort me.
And if my heart just stops, pack my memories in it-
I want to know all the love I've got.
And if my heart just stops, keep me alive for a minute-
I want to know if a curtain drops.
