1. 1

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  2. 2

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  3. 3

    La Dispute - Andria

  4. 4

    La Dispute - King Park

  5. 5

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  6. 6

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  7. 7

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  8. 8

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  9. 9

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  10. 10

    La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car

  11. 11

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  12. 12

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  13. 13

    La Dispute - A Poem

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  15. 15

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  16. 16

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  17. 17

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  18. 18

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  20. 20

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  21. 21

    La Dispute - A Letter

  22. 22

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  23. 23

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  24. 24

    La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In

  25. 25

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  26. 26

    La Dispute - One

  27. 27

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  29. 29

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  30. 30

    La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound

  33. 33

    La Dispute - Six

  34. 34

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  35. 35

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  36. 36

    La Dispute - The Field

  37. 37

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  38. 38

    La Dispute - Two

  39. 39

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  40. 40

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  41. 41

    La Dispute - A

  42. 42

    La Dispute - A Departure

  43. 43

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  45. 45

    La Dispute - Eight

  46. 46

    La Dispute - End Times Sermon

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Four

  48. 48

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  49. 49

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  50. 50

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  51. 51

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  52. 52

    La Dispute - Nine

  53. 53

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  54. 54

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  55. 55

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Ten

  57. 57

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  58. 58

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  59. 59

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  60. 60

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  61. 61

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  62. 62

    La Dispute - Three

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Twelve

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Untitled

  66. 66

    La Dispute - 35

  67. 67

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  68. 68

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  69. 69

    La Dispute - Eleven

  70. 70

    La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  72. 72

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  73. 73

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  74. 74

    La Dispute - Five

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  77. 77

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  78. 78

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  79. 79

    La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In

  80. 80

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  81. 81

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  82. 82

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  83. 83

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  84. 84

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  85. 85

    La Dispute - Saturation Diver

  86. 86

    La Dispute - Seven

  87. 87

    La Dispute - Steve

  88. 88

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  89. 89

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  90. 90

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

La Dispute

After sundown, before sleeping, i am the worst of me. i am a mess of these
Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and
Stage scenes.
It's fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy.
What i haven't done, what i've wanted to, and what i fear you have
Becomes reality here.

Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.
A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.
No love, no life, no history.
Just touch, just chemistry, just
A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and
It's a moment, harmless. it's energy.
It's like medicine,
It's self-discovery.

See, all the secrets i keep, why are they secrets?

It's only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth,
Just a flash before the line gets blurry,
Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and
What the body wants now more than anything.
Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or
Just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?
Was it that i got too tired of the consequence?
Or was i just scared?

I only know i never wanted to get left behind.

No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.
They're just movements towards feeling. it doesn't matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,
Sweat and block out everything to
Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it's like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.

I want to feel it out. i want to know how it works.
I want to know if it was worth it to worry,
About the ghosts i feared would haunt the memory,
About the damage that i'm sure the fear has done to me now.
I want to know what it is in me that won't follow through
Those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too.
Maybe it's only that i've never gotten over you.

Or am i still scared?

I see the church steps, a vision. is there fiction in this one too?
It's true, i've made a tale of it here, still, it's a little unclear who's been haunting who.
And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future
Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass.
So was our touch half as sacred as i've made it seem
Or just another fabrication of a half-dream?
Just those chemicals, the adolescent love.
Just us trying to grasp onto meaning,
Onto a purpose,
Onto a sense that
Something spiritual releases when the feeling hits.

And when the feeling hits.

And in that moment sparks and harps play out
A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy
And in that moment there's an honesty instinctive and pure but
It departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more
Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don't be ashamed, be free to the feeling. don't be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.

I've felt it.

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