1. 1

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  2. 2

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  3. 3

    La Dispute - King Park

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Andria

  5. 5

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  6. 6

    La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In

  7. 7

    La Dispute - A Letter

  8. 8

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  9. 9

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  10. 10

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  11. 11

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  12. 12

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  13. 13

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  15. 15

    La Dispute - 35

  16. 16

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  17. 17

    La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film

  18. 18

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  20. 20

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  21. 21

    La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound

  22. 22

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  24. 24

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  25. 25

    La Dispute - A Departure

  26. 26

    La Dispute - A Poem

  27. 27

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Eight

  29. 29

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  30. 30

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Four

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  33. 33

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  34. 34

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  35. 35

    La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In

  36. 36

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  37. 37

    La Dispute - Nine

  38. 38

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  39. 39

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  40. 40

    La Dispute - Six

  41. 41

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  42. 42

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  43. 43

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  44. 44

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  45. 45

    La Dispute - Twelve

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Two

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Untitled

  48. 48

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  49. 49

    La Dispute - A

  50. 50

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  51. 51

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  52. 52

    La Dispute - Eleven

  53. 53

    La Dispute - End Times Sermon

  54. 54

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Five

  57. 57

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  58. 58

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  59. 59

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  60. 60

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  61. 61

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  62. 62

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  63. 63

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  64. 64

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  66. 66

    La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car

  67. 67

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  68. 68

    La Dispute - One

  69. 69

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  70. 70

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  72. 72

    La Dispute - Saturation Diver

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  74. 74

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Seven

  77. 77

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  78. 78

    La Dispute - Steve

  79. 79

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  80. 80

    La Dispute - Ten

  81. 81

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  82. 82

    La Dispute - The Field

  83. 83

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  84. 84

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  85. 85

    La Dispute - Three

  86. 86

    La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet

  87. 87

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  88. 88

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  89. 89

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  90. 90

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

La Dispute

After sundown, before sleeping, i am the worst of me. i am a mess of these
Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and
Stage scenes.
It's fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy.
What i haven't done, what i've wanted to, and what i fear you have
Becomes reality here.

Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.
A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.
No love, no life, no history.
Just touch, just chemistry, just
A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and
It's a moment, harmless. it's energy.
It's like medicine,
It's self-discovery.

See, all the secrets i keep, why are they secrets?

It's only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth,
Just a flash before the line gets blurry,
Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and
What the body wants now more than anything.
Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or
Just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?
Was it that i got too tired of the consequence?
Or was i just scared?

I only know i never wanted to get left behind.

No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.
They're just movements towards feeling. it doesn't matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,
Sweat and block out everything to
Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it's like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.

I want to feel it out. i want to know how it works.
I want to know if it was worth it to worry,
About the ghosts i feared would haunt the memory,
About the damage that i'm sure the fear has done to me now.
I want to know what it is in me that won't follow through
Those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too.
Maybe it's only that i've never gotten over you.

Or am i still scared?

I see the church steps, a vision. is there fiction in this one too?
It's true, i've made a tale of it here, still, it's a little unclear who's been haunting who.
And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future
Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass.
So was our touch half as sacred as i've made it seem
Or just another fabrication of a half-dream?
Just those chemicals, the adolescent love.
Just us trying to grasp onto meaning,
Onto a purpose,
Onto a sense that
Something spiritual releases when the feeling hits.

And when the feeling hits.

And in that moment sparks and harps play out
A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy
And in that moment there's an honesty instinctive and pure but
It departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more
Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don't be ashamed, be free to the feeling. don't be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.

I've felt it.

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