1. 1

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  2. 2

    La Dispute - King Park

  3. 3

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Andria

  5. 5

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  6. 6

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  7. 7

    La Dispute - A Letter

  8. 8

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  9. 9

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  10. 10

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  11. 11

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  12. 12

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  13. 13

    La Dispute - Nine

  14. 14

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  15. 15

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  16. 16

    La Dispute - A Departure

  17. 17

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  18. 18

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  20. 20

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  21. 21

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  22. 22

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  24. 24

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  25. 25

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  26. 26

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  27. 27

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  29. 29

    La Dispute - 35

  30. 30

    La Dispute - A Poem

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  33. 33

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  34. 34

    La Dispute - Five

  35. 35

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  36. 36

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  37. 37

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  38. 38

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  39. 39

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  40. 40

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  41. 41

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  42. 42

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  43. 43

    La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  45. 45

    La Dispute - Steve

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Ten

  47. 47

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  48. 48

    La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet

  49. 49

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  50. 50

    La Dispute - Two

  51. 51

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

  52. 52

    La Dispute - A

  53. 53

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  54. 54

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Eight

  57. 57

    La Dispute - Eleven

  58. 58

    La Dispute - End Times Sermon

  59. 59

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  60. 60

    La Dispute - Four

  61. 61

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  62. 62

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  63. 63

    La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In

  64. 64

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  65. 65

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  66. 66

    La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In

  67. 67

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  68. 68

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  69. 69

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  70. 70

    La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car

  71. 71

    La Dispute - One

  72. 72

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  74. 74

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Saturation Diver

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  77. 77

    La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards

  78. 78

    La Dispute - Seven

  79. 79

    La Dispute - Six

  80. 80

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  81. 81

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  82. 82

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  83. 83

    La Dispute - The Field

  84. 84

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  85. 85

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  86. 86

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  87. 87

    La Dispute - Three

  88. 88

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  89. 89

    La Dispute - Twelve

  90. 90

    La Dispute - Untitled

The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

La Dispute

After sundown, before sleeping, i am the worst of me. i am a mess of these
Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and
Stage scenes.
It's fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy.
What i haven't done, what i've wanted to, and what i fear you have
Becomes reality here.

Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.
A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.
No love, no life, no history.
Just touch, just chemistry, just
A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and
It's a moment, harmless. it's energy.
It's like medicine,
It's self-discovery.

See, all the secrets i keep, why are they secrets?

It's only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth,
Just a flash before the line gets blurry,
Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and
What the body wants now more than anything.
Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or
Just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?
Was it that i got too tired of the consequence?
Or was i just scared?

I only know i never wanted to get left behind.

No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.
They're just movements towards feeling. it doesn't matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,
Sweat and block out everything to
Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it's like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.

I want to feel it out. i want to know how it works.
I want to know if it was worth it to worry,
About the ghosts i feared would haunt the memory,
About the damage that i'm sure the fear has done to me now.
I want to know what it is in me that won't follow through
Those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too.
Maybe it's only that i've never gotten over you.

Or am i still scared?

I see the church steps, a vision. is there fiction in this one too?
It's true, i've made a tale of it here, still, it's a little unclear who's been haunting who.
And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future
Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass.
So was our touch half as sacred as i've made it seem
Or just another fabrication of a half-dream?
Just those chemicals, the adolescent love.
Just us trying to grasp onto meaning,
Onto a purpose,
Onto a sense that
Something spiritual releases when the feeling hits.

And when the feeling hits.

And in that moment sparks and harps play out
A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy
And in that moment there's an honesty instinctive and pure but
It departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more
Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don't be ashamed, be free to the feeling. don't be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.

I've felt it.

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