1. 1

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  2. 2

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  3. 3

    La Dispute - King Park

  4. 4

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  5. 5

    La Dispute - Andria

  6. 6

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  7. 7

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  8. 8

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  9. 9

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  10. 10

    La Dispute - A Letter

  11. 11

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  12. 12

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

  13. 13

    La Dispute - A Departure

  14. 14

    La Dispute - A Poem

  15. 15

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  16. 16

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  17. 17

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  18. 18

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  19. 19

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  20. 20

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  21. 21

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  22. 22

    La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  24. 24

    La Dispute - A

  25. 25

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  26. 26

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  27. 27

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  29. 29

    La Dispute - Eleven

  30. 30

    La Dispute - End Times Sermon

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  33. 33

    La Dispute - Five

  34. 34

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  35. 35

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  36. 36

    La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In

  37. 37

    La Dispute - Nine

  38. 38

    La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car

  39. 39

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  40. 40

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  41. 41

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  42. 42

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  43. 43

    La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  45. 45

    La Dispute - 35

  46. 46

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  48. 48

    La Dispute - Eight

  49. 49

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  50. 50

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  51. 51

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  52. 52

    La Dispute - Four

  53. 53

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  54. 54

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  56. 56

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  57. 57

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  58. 58

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  59. 59

    La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In

  60. 60

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  61. 61

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  62. 62

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  65. 65

    La Dispute - One

  66. 66

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  67. 67

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  68. 68

    La Dispute - Saturation Diver

  69. 69

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  70. 70

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards

  72. 72

    La Dispute - Seven

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  74. 74

    La Dispute - Six

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Steve

  77. 77

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  78. 78

    La Dispute - Ten

  79. 79

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  80. 80

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  81. 81

    La Dispute - The Field

  82. 82

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  83. 83

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  84. 84

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  85. 85

    La Dispute - Three

  86. 86

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  87. 87

    La Dispute - Twelve

  88. 88

    La Dispute - Two

  89. 89

    La Dispute - Untitled

  90. 90

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

La Dispute

After sundown, before sleeping, i am the worst of me. i am a mess of these
Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and
Stage scenes.
It's fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy.
What i haven't done, what i've wanted to, and what i fear you have
Becomes reality here.

Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.
A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.
No love, no life, no history.
Just touch, just chemistry, just
A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and
It's a moment, harmless. it's energy.
It's like medicine,
It's self-discovery.

See, all the secrets i keep, why are they secrets?

It's only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth,
Just a flash before the line gets blurry,
Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and
What the body wants now more than anything.
Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or
Just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?
Was it that i got too tired of the consequence?
Or was i just scared?

I only know i never wanted to get left behind.

No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.
They're just movements towards feeling. it doesn't matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,
Sweat and block out everything to
Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it's like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.

I want to feel it out. i want to know how it works.
I want to know if it was worth it to worry,
About the ghosts i feared would haunt the memory,
About the damage that i'm sure the fear has done to me now.
I want to know what it is in me that won't follow through
Those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too.
Maybe it's only that i've never gotten over you.

Or am i still scared?

I see the church steps, a vision. is there fiction in this one too?
It's true, i've made a tale of it here, still, it's a little unclear who's been haunting who.
And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future
Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass.
So was our touch half as sacred as i've made it seem
Or just another fabrication of a half-dream?
Just those chemicals, the adolescent love.
Just us trying to grasp onto meaning,
Onto a purpose,
Onto a sense that
Something spiritual releases when the feeling hits.

And when the feeling hits.

And in that moment sparks and harps play out
A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy
And in that moment there's an honesty instinctive and pure but
It departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more
Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don't be ashamed, be free to the feeling. don't be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.

I've felt it.

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