1. 1

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  2. 2

    La Dispute - King Park

  3. 3

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Andria

  5. 5

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  6. 6

    La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film

  7. 7

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  8. 8

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  9. 9

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  10. 10

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  11. 11

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  12. 12

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  13. 13

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  15. 15

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  16. 16

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  17. 17

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  18. 18

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  20. 20

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  21. 21

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  22. 22

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  24. 24

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  25. 25

    La Dispute - Nine

  26. 26

    La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car

  27. 27

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  28. 28

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  29. 29

    La Dispute - 35

  30. 30

    La Dispute - A

  31. 31

    La Dispute - A Departure

  32. 32

    La Dispute - A Letter

  33. 33

    La Dispute - A Poem

  34. 34

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  35. 35

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  36. 36

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  37. 37

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  38. 38

    La Dispute - Eight

  39. 39

    La Dispute - Eleven

  40. 40

    La Dispute - End Times Sermon

  41. 41

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  42. 42

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  43. 43

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Five

  45. 45

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Four

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  48. 48

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  49. 49

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  50. 50

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  51. 51

    La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In

  52. 52

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  53. 53

    La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In

  54. 54

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  57. 57

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  58. 58

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  59. 59

    La Dispute - One

  60. 60

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  61. 61

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  62. 62

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Saturation Diver

  66. 66

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  67. 67

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  68. 68

    La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards

  69. 69

    La Dispute - Seven

  70. 70

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound

  72. 72

    La Dispute - Six

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Steve

  74. 74

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Ten

  76. 76

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  77. 77

    La Dispute - The Field

  78. 78

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  79. 79

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  80. 80

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  81. 81

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  82. 82

    La Dispute - Three

  83. 83

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  84. 84

    La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet

  85. 85

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  86. 86

    La Dispute - Twelve

  87. 87

    La Dispute - Two

  88. 88

    La Dispute - Untitled

  89. 89

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  90. 90

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

La Dispute

After sundown, before sleeping, i am the worst of me. i am a mess of these
Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and
Stage scenes.
It's fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy.
What i haven't done, what i've wanted to, and what i fear you have
Becomes reality here.

Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.
A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.
No love, no life, no history.
Just touch, just chemistry, just
A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and
It's a moment, harmless. it's energy.
It's like medicine,
It's self-discovery.

See, all the secrets i keep, why are they secrets?

It's only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth,
Just a flash before the line gets blurry,
Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and
What the body wants now more than anything.
Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or
Just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?
Was it that i got too tired of the consequence?
Or was i just scared?

I only know i never wanted to get left behind.

No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.
They're just movements towards feeling. it doesn't matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,
Sweat and block out everything to
Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it's like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.

I want to feel it out. i want to know how it works.
I want to know if it was worth it to worry,
About the ghosts i feared would haunt the memory,
About the damage that i'm sure the fear has done to me now.
I want to know what it is in me that won't follow through
Those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too.
Maybe it's only that i've never gotten over you.

Or am i still scared?

I see the church steps, a vision. is there fiction in this one too?
It's true, i've made a tale of it here, still, it's a little unclear who's been haunting who.
And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future
Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass.
So was our touch half as sacred as i've made it seem
Or just another fabrication of a half-dream?
Just those chemicals, the adolescent love.
Just us trying to grasp onto meaning,
Onto a purpose,
Onto a sense that
Something spiritual releases when the feeling hits.

And when the feeling hits.

And in that moment sparks and harps play out
A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy
And in that moment there's an honesty instinctive and pure but
It departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more
Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don't be ashamed, be free to the feeling. don't be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.

I've felt it.

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