- 1
La Dispute - Such Small Hands
- 2
La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)
- 3
La Dispute - King Park
- 4
La Dispute - Andria
- 5
La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In
- 6
La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain
- 7
La Dispute - A Letter
- 8
La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent
- 9
La Dispute - A Broken Jar
- 10
La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times
- 11
La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit
- 12
La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks
- 13
La Dispute - Twelve
- 14
La Dispute - You And I In Unison
- 15
La Dispute - 35
- 16
La Dispute - A Poem
- 17
La Dispute - Bury Your Flames
- 18
La Dispute - Damaged Goods
- 19
La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown
- 20
La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film
- 21
La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again
- 22
La Dispute - How I Feel
- 23
La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles
- 24
La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers
- 25
La Dispute - Said the King To the River
- 26
La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound
- 27
La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues
- 28
La Dispute - Stay Happy There
- 29
La Dispute - Woman (Reading)
- 30
La Dispute - A Departure
- 31
La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning
- 32
La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama
- 33
La Dispute - Eight
- 34
La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice
- 35
La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville
- 36
La Dispute - Four
- 37
La Dispute - Harder Harmonies
- 38
La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi
- 39
La Dispute - I See Everything
- 40
La Dispute - I Shaved My Head
- 41
La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In
- 42
La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound
- 43
La Dispute - Nine
- 44
La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief
- 45
La Dispute - See You In Vancouver
- 46
La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards
- 47
La Dispute - Six
- 48
La Dispute - The Castle Builders
- 49
La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist
- 50
La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right
- 51
La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms
- 52
La Dispute - Two
- 53
La Dispute - Untitled
- 54
La Dispute - Why It Scares Me
- 55
La Dispute - A
- 56
La Dispute - Autofiction detail
- 57
La Dispute - Eleven
- 58
La Dispute - End Times Sermon
- 59
La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party
- 60
La Dispute - Fairmount
- 61
La Dispute - Five
- 62
La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond
- 63
La Dispute - Fulton Street I
- 64
La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii
- 65
La Dispute - Future Wars
- 66
La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid
- 67
La Dispute - In Northern Michigan
- 68
La Dispute - Last Blues
- 69
La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car
- 70
La Dispute - Objects In Space
- 71
La Dispute - One
- 72
La Dispute - Only Everything Below
- 73
La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies
- 74
La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan
- 75
La Dispute - Saturation Diver
- 76
La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009
- 77
La Dispute - Seven
- 78
La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power
- 79
La Dispute - Steve
- 80
La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral
- 81
La Dispute - Ten
- 82
La Dispute - The Child We Lost
- 83
La Dispute - The Field
- 84
La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)
- 85
La Dispute - Thirteen
- 86
La Dispute - Three
- 87
La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet
- 88
La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas
- 89
La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window
- 90
La Dispute - You Ascendant
I See Everything
La Dispute
Faces, i feel an air like a funeral, like a wake, as i sit dow.
My teacher speaking, somewhat somberly, but still confident and calm.
Part eulogy, her speech, and part poem, part celebration song.
Her warmth and smile, she passes photocopies out to us of entries from a journal
Kept so long ago. she starts to read and suddenly it's 1980.
March 5-the cancer is furious but our son is resilient,
We have all the faith we'll get through this no matter what the end.
Treatments are violent but he keeps on smiling.
It's amazing finding joy in the little things.
April 12-andrew's appetites improved and we thank god everyday.
But still it's hard sometimes to see him in that scarecrow frame.
July 9-there's a suffering when i look in his eyes. he's been through so much.
We've all been through so much but what incredible resolve our little boy shows,
Only 7, standing face to face with death.
He said it's easy to find people who have suffered worse than him.
"like jesus, suffered worse than anyone," he told me last night, "when god abandoned him."
September 20-we've been playing in the yard lately and spirits are high
Although his blood counts aren't.
October 14-he feels tired all the time.
November 30-at the hospital again. it feels like home when we're here.
December 8-he's getting worse.
January 19-we buried our son today, our youngest child,
And while his death was ugly we must not let it scare us from god.
Abundant grace has restored him. a brand new body.
And set him free from the torture, finally rid of the cancer.
Before the moment he left he briefly wrested from death, suddenly opened his eyes, said,
"i see everything. i see everything."
And i will never forget it, the peace and the comfort you displayed through a pain
That i can only imagine. the loss of a child to the torture of cancer. help me.
Because i can only imagine how you recovered,
Kept your faith and held the brightness of life inside the smile of a child you had to bury.
And i will never forget him or your steadfast faith.
No, i will never forget you. now six or seven years later, i'm devoid of all faith.
I am empty of comfort and i am weary of waiting.
Though i've felt nowhere what you have, i see nothing at all.
Though i've felt nowhere what he did, my eyes are closed.
