1. 1

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  2. 2

    La Dispute - King Park

  3. 3

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  5. 5

    La Dispute - A Letter

  6. 6

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  7. 7

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  8. 8

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  9. 9

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  10. 10

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  11. 11

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  12. 12

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  13. 13

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  15. 15

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  16. 16

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  17. 17

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  18. 18

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Andria

  20. 20

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  21. 21

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  22. 22

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  24. 24

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  25. 25

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  26. 26

    La Dispute - Nine

  27. 27

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Steve

  29. 29

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  30. 30

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  33. 33

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

  34. 34

    La Dispute - 35

  35. 35

    La Dispute - A

  36. 36

    La Dispute - A Departure

  37. 37

    La Dispute - A Poem

  38. 38

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  39. 39

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  40. 40

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  41. 41

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  42. 42

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  43. 43

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Eight

  45. 45

    La Dispute - Eleven

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Five

  48. 48

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  49. 49

    La Dispute - Four

  50. 50

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  51. 51

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  52. 52

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  53. 53

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  54. 54

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  57. 57

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  58. 58

    La Dispute - One

  59. 59

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  60. 60

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  61. 61

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  62. 62

    La Dispute - Seven

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Six

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  66. 66

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  67. 67

    La Dispute - Ten

  68. 68

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  69. 69

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  70. 70

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  72. 72

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Three

  74. 74

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Twelve

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Two

  77. 77

    La Dispute - Untitled

  78. 78

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  79. 79

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  80. 80

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

I Shaved My Head

La Dispute

I shaved my head in the sink
I left the water running
I watched my hair block the drain
And on the bathroom's flooding ground
Built no ark for myself
I longed for end times coming
I understood what it meant
To need to kill to reset
This stranger standing reflected
With my old image blending
Inside the mirror before me
The death of self portended by
All the years that I spent closing my eyes
To try to change what I'd become now in life
To die and start again

I fixed my eyes on the light above
The level rising
And let it swallow me whole
All gaps from floor to ceiling closed
Up and onto my neck
The steady water flowing
Then climbing over my head
I shut them tight to accept

As if in amber suspended
Both arms and legs extended
The pressure bending the glass
Then shattered out and down I went
Forces pulling to the surface of earth
Like some raptured body played in reverse
To start and die again

Two summers past
At the bathroom sink and standing
Shirtless cutting my beard
You came in to sit and talk
I watched you watch in the mirror
Brought the trimmer grinning up to my head
Said: Hey I'd never have to pay to get my hair cut again
Nervous laugh
Said: You wouldn't
Interrupted when the trimmer lowered
Fistfuls of hair falling softly down
To the floor before you

And you cried for a minute when I did
Like a child who saw their father for the first time
With a shaven face

A subtle change
A sudden stranger

Made and then betrayed
The shape turned unfamiliar

First I thought you were scared
That I could never grow it back again
Now I see at least six months passed
Since you'd recognized me

A decade spent dissociating
Backwards from the past
Inside alive and laughing
Still

A minor change in desperation
A minor change in desperation
The mirrored shape my bent reflection made

Shaved my head to force a change

To be un-recognized

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