1. 1

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  2. 2

    La Dispute - King Park

  3. 3

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  5. 5

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  6. 6

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  7. 7

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  8. 8

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  9. 9

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  10. 10

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  11. 11

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  12. 12

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  13. 13

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  15. 15

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  16. 16

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  17. 17

    La Dispute - A Letter

  18. 18

    La Dispute - Andria

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  20. 20

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  21. 21

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  22. 22

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  24. 24

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  25. 25

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  26. 26

    La Dispute - Nine

  27. 27

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Seven

  29. 29

    La Dispute - Steve

  30. 30

    La Dispute - Ten

  31. 31

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  32. 32

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  33. 33

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  34. 34

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  35. 35

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

  36. 36

    La Dispute - 35

  37. 37

    La Dispute - A

  38. 38

    La Dispute - A Departure

  39. 39

    La Dispute - A Poem

  40. 40

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  41. 41

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  42. 42

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  43. 43

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  45. 45

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Eight

  48. 48

    La Dispute - Eleven

  49. 49

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  50. 50

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  51. 51

    La Dispute - Five

  52. 52

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  53. 53

    La Dispute - Four

  54. 54

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  55. 55

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  56. 56

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  57. 57

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  58. 58

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  59. 59

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  60. 60

    La Dispute - One

  61. 61

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  62. 62

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Six

  66. 66

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  67. 67

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  68. 68

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  69. 69

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  70. 70

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  72. 72

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Three

  74. 74

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Twelve

  77. 77

    La Dispute - Two

  78. 78

    La Dispute - Untitled

  79. 79

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  80. 80

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

I Shaved My Head

La Dispute

I shaved my head in the sink
I left the water running
I watched my hair block the drain
And on the bathroom's flooding ground
Built no ark for myself
I longed for end times coming
I understood what it meant
To need to kill to reset
This stranger standing reflected
With my old image blending
Inside the mirror before me
The death of self portended by
All the years that I spent closing my eyes
To try to change what I'd become now in life
To die and start again

I fixed my eyes on the light above
The level rising
And let it swallow me whole
All gaps from floor to ceiling closed
Up and onto my neck
The steady water flowing
Then climbing over my head
I shut them tight to accept

As if in amber suspended
Both arms and legs extended
The pressure bending the glass
Then shattered out and down I went
Forces pulling to the surface of earth
Like some raptured body played in reverse
To start and die again

Two summers past
At the bathroom sink and standing
Shirtless cutting my beard
You came in to sit and talk
I watched you watch in the mirror
Brought the trimmer grinning up to my head
Said: Hey I'd never have to pay to get my hair cut again
Nervous laugh
Said: You wouldn't
Interrupted when the trimmer lowered
Fistfuls of hair falling softly down
To the floor before you

And you cried for a minute when I did
Like a child who saw their father for the first time
With a shaven face

A subtle change
A sudden stranger

Made and then betrayed
The shape turned unfamiliar

First I thought you were scared
That I could never grow it back again
Now I see at least six months passed
Since you'd recognized me

A decade spent dissociating
Backwards from the past
Inside alive and laughing
Still

A minor change in desperation
A minor change in desperation
The mirrored shape my bent reflection made

Shaved my head to force a change

To be un-recognized

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