1. 1

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  2. 2

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  3. 3

    La Dispute - King Park

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Andria

  5. 5

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  6. 6

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  7. 7

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  8. 8

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  9. 9

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  10. 10

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  11. 11

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  12. 12

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  13. 13

    La Dispute - A Poem

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  15. 15

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  16. 16

    La Dispute - One

  17. 17

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  18. 18

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  20. 20

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  21. 21

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  22. 22

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  24. 24

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  25. 25

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  26. 26

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  27. 27

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  29. 29

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  30. 30

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Seven

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  33. 33

    La Dispute - 35

  34. 34

    La Dispute - A

  35. 35

    La Dispute - A Departure

  36. 36

    La Dispute - A Letter

  37. 37

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  38. 38

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  39. 39

    La Dispute - Eight

  40. 40

    La Dispute - Eleven

  41. 41

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  42. 42

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  43. 43

    La Dispute - Five

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Four

  45. 45

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  48. 48

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  49. 49

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  50. 50

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  51. 51

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  52. 52

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  53. 53

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  54. 54

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Nine

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  57. 57

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  58. 58

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  59. 59

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  60. 60

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  61. 61

    La Dispute - Six

  62. 62

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Steve

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  66. 66

    La Dispute - Ten

  67. 67

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  68. 68

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  69. 69

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  70. 70

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Three

  72. 72

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  74. 74

    La Dispute - Twelve

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Two

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Untitled

  77. 77

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  78. 78

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  79. 79

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  80. 80

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

I Shaved My Head

La Dispute

I shaved my head in the sink
I left the water running
I watched my hair block the drain
And on the bathroom's flooding ground
Built no ark for myself
I longed for end times coming
I understood what it meant
To need to kill to reset
This stranger standing reflected
With my old image blending
Inside the mirror before me
The death of self portended by
All the years that I spent closing my eyes
To try to change what I'd become now in life
To die and start again

I fixed my eyes on the light above
The level rising
And let it swallow me whole
All gaps from floor to ceiling closed
Up and onto my neck
The steady water flowing
Then climbing over my head
I shut them tight to accept

As if in amber suspended
Both arms and legs extended
The pressure bending the glass
Then shattered out and down I went
Forces pulling to the surface of earth
Like some raptured body played in reverse
To start and die again

Two summers past
At the bathroom sink and standing
Shirtless cutting my beard
You came in to sit and talk
I watched you watch in the mirror
Brought the trimmer grinning up to my head
Said: Hey I'd never have to pay to get my hair cut again
Nervous laugh
Said: You wouldn't
Interrupted when the trimmer lowered
Fistfuls of hair falling softly down
To the floor before you

And you cried for a minute when I did
Like a child who saw their father for the first time
With a shaven face

A subtle change
A sudden stranger

Made and then betrayed
The shape turned unfamiliar

First I thought you were scared
That I could never grow it back again
Now I see at least six months passed
Since you'd recognized me

A decade spent dissociating
Backwards from the past
Inside alive and laughing
Still

A minor change in desperation
A minor change in desperation
The mirrored shape my bent reflection made

Shaved my head to force a change

To be un-recognized

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