1. 1

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  2. 2

    La Dispute - King Park

  3. 3

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Andria

  5. 5

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  6. 6

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  7. 7

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  8. 8

    La Dispute - Nine

  9. 9

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  10. 10

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  11. 11

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  12. 12

    La Dispute - A Letter

  13. 13

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  15. 15

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  16. 16

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  17. 17

    La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car

  18. 18

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  20. 20

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  21. 21

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  22. 22

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  23. 23

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  24. 24

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  25. 25

    La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film

  26. 26

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  27. 27

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  28. 28

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  29. 29

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  30. 30

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Steve

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  33. 33

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  34. 34

    La Dispute - 35

  35. 35

    La Dispute - A

  36. 36

    La Dispute - A Departure

  37. 37

    La Dispute - A Poem

  38. 38

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  39. 39

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  40. 40

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  41. 41

    La Dispute - Eight

  42. 42

    La Dispute - Eleven

  43. 43

    La Dispute - End Times Sermon

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  45. 45

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Five

  47. 47

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  48. 48

    La Dispute - Four

  49. 49

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  50. 50

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  51. 51

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  52. 52

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  53. 53

    La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In

  54. 54

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  57. 57

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  58. 58

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  59. 59

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  60. 60

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  61. 61

    La Dispute - One

  62. 62

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Saturation Diver

  66. 66

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  67. 67

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  68. 68

    La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards

  69. 69

    La Dispute - Seven

  70. 70

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  71. 71

    La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound

  72. 72

    La Dispute - Six

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  74. 74

    La Dispute - Ten

  75. 75

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  76. 76

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  77. 77

    La Dispute - The Field

  78. 78

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  79. 79

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  80. 80

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  81. 81

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  82. 82

    La Dispute - Three

  83. 83

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  84. 84

    La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet

  85. 85

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  86. 86

    La Dispute - Twelve

  87. 87

    La Dispute - Two

  88. 88

    La Dispute - Untitled

  89. 89

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  90. 90

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

The Child We Lost

La Dispute

There were shadows in the bedroom
Where the light got thrown by the lamp on the nightstand
On your mother’s side, after midnight, still
You can see it all
You can see it all
And the closet in the corner
On the far back shelf with the keepsakes, she hid
That box there full of letters of regret
By the pictures of the kids

You get faint recollections of your mother’s sigh, countryside drive
And the landscape seen from the window of the backseat with some flowers in a basket

That afternoon after school you and your older sisters
Found your parents in the kitchen at the table
Father lifting off the lid of the box

And a hush fell over everything like a funeral prayer
A reverence, ancestral, heavy in the air

Though you didn’t understand what it meant
That they never said her name aloud around you
Even sitting at the table with her things they’d kept
You recall faintly cards, tiny clothes, and the smell of the paint in the upstairs bedroom
Until then you didn’t know that’s what the box had held

Your parents tiptoeing slowly around always speaking in code

No, they never said her name aloud around you
Only told you it was perfect where your sister went
And you didn’t understand why it hurt them so much then that she’d come and left so soon
Could only guess inside your head at what a “stillbirth” meant
Only knew that mother wept

You watched while father held her, said “some things come but can’t stay here.”
You saw a brightness
Like a light through your eyes closed tight then she tumbled away.

From here, some place
To remain in the nighttime shadows she made
To be an absence in mom, a sadness hanging over her
Like some pentacostal flame, drifting on and off
She was “sister,” only whispered.
Sometimes “her” or
“The child we lost.”

You were visions
A vagueness, a faded image
You were visions

You were a flame lit that burned out twice as brightly as the rest of us did
When you left, you were light, then you tumbled away

There are shadows that fall still here at a certain angle
In the bedroom on the nightstand by your mother’s side
From the light left on there

There’s the box in the closet, all the things kept
And the landscape where she left
Flowers on the grave, marble where they etched that name
And mother cried the whole way home

But she never said it once out loud
On the way back home from where you thought they meant
When they said where sister went

After grandpa got hospice sick and he couldn’t fall sleep
They wheeled his stretcher bed beside her at night
And I saw the light

On the day that he died
By their bed in grandma’s eyes
While us grandkids said our goodbyes

She said “don’t cry”
Somewhere he holds her
Said a name I didn’t recognize
And the light with all the shadows combined

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