1. 1

    La Dispute - Woman (In Mirror)

  2. 2

    La Dispute - King Park

  3. 3

    La Dispute - Such Small Hands

  4. 4

    La Dispute - Andria

  5. 5

    La Dispute - Bury Your Flames

  6. 6

    La Dispute - You And I In Unison

  7. 7

    La Dispute - A Broken Jar

  8. 8

    La Dispute - Safer in the Forest / Love Song for Poor Michigan

  9. 9

    La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

  10. 10

    La Dispute - Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

  11. 11

    La Dispute - I See Everything

  12. 12

    La Dispute - New Storms For Older Lovers

  13. 13

    La Dispute - Said the King To the River

  14. 14

    La Dispute - Stay Happy There

  15. 15

    La Dispute - Damaged Goods

  16. 16

    La Dispute - Edward Benz, 27 Times

  17. 17

    La Dispute - The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

  18. 18

    La Dispute - Why It Scares Me

  19. 19

    La Dispute - Woman (Reading)

  20. 20

    La Dispute - A Departure

  21. 21

    La Dispute - A Letter

  22. 22

    La Dispute - A Word Of Welcome And Of Warning

  23. 23

    La Dispute - How I Feel

  24. 24

    La Dispute - I Shaved My Head

  25. 25

    La Dispute - Nobody, Not Even the Rain

  26. 26

    La Dispute - Rhodonite And Grief

  27. 27

    La Dispute - St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues

  28. 28

    La Dispute - View From Our Bedroom Window

  29. 29

    La Dispute - All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks

  30. 30

    La Dispute - Anxiety Panorama

  31. 31

    La Dispute - Autofiction detail

  32. 32

    La Dispute - Edit Your Hometown

  33. 33

    La Dispute - Extraordinary Dinner Party

  34. 34

    La Dispute - Fairmount

  35. 35

    La Dispute - For Mayor in Splitsville

  36. 36

    La Dispute - Fulton Street Ii

  37. 37

    La Dispute - Future Wars

  38. 38

    La Dispute - Hudsonville Mi

  39. 39

    La Dispute - Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles

  40. 40

    La Dispute - Nine

  41. 41

    La Dispute - Objects In Space

  42. 42

    La Dispute - Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

  43. 43

    La Dispute - Steve

  44. 44

    La Dispute - Ten

  45. 45

    La Dispute - The Surgeon And The Scientist

  46. 46

    La Dispute - Twelve

  47. 47

    La Dispute - 35

  48. 48

    La Dispute - A

  49. 49

    La Dispute - A Poem

  50. 50

    La Dispute - Eight

  51. 51

    La Dispute - Eleven

  52. 52

    La Dispute - End Times Sermon

  53. 53

    La Dispute - Environmental Catastrophe Film

  54. 54

    La Dispute - First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice

  55. 55

    La Dispute - Five

  56. 56

    La Dispute - Footsteps At The Pond

  57. 57

    La Dispute - Four

  58. 58

    La Dispute - Fulton Street I

  59. 59

    La Dispute - Harder Harmonies

  60. 60

    La Dispute - He Is Here, He Is Not Afraid

  61. 61

    La Dispute - I Dreamt Of A Room With All My Friends I Could Not Get In

  62. 62

    La Dispute - In Northern Michigan

  63. 63

    La Dispute - Landlord Calls The Sheriff In

  64. 64

    La Dispute - Last Blues

  65. 65

    La Dispute - Man With Hands And Ankles Bound

  66. 66

    La Dispute - No One Was Driving The Car

  67. 67

    La Dispute - One

  68. 68

    La Dispute - Only Everything Below

  69. 69

    La Dispute - Saturation Diver

  70. 70

    La Dispute - Scenes from Highways 1981-2009

  71. 71

    La Dispute - See You In Vancouver

  72. 72

    La Dispute - Self-Portrait Backwards

  73. 73

    La Dispute - Seven

  74. 74

    La Dispute - Shall Never Lose It's Power

  75. 75

    La Dispute - Sibling Fistfight at Mom's Fiftieth / The Un-Sound

  76. 76

    La Dispute - Six

  77. 77

    La Dispute - Sunday Morning, At a Funeral

  78. 78

    La Dispute - The Castle Builders

  79. 79

    La Dispute - The Child We Lost

  80. 80

    La Dispute - The Field

  81. 81

    La Dispute - Then Again, Maybe You Were Right

  82. 82

    La Dispute - There You Are (Hiding Place)

  83. 83

    La Dispute - Thirteen

  84. 84

    La Dispute - Three

  85. 85

    La Dispute - To Withstand The Force Of Storms

  86. 86

    La Dispute - Top-Sellers Banquet

  87. 87

    La Dispute - Twas The Night Before Christmas

  88. 88

    La Dispute - Two

  89. 89

    La Dispute - Untitled

  90. 90

    La Dispute - You Ascendant

The Child We Lost

La Dispute

There were shadows in the bedroom
Where the light got thrown by the lamp on the nightstand
On your mother’s side, after midnight, still
You can see it all
You can see it all
And the closet in the corner
On the far back shelf with the keepsakes, she hid
That box there full of letters of regret
By the pictures of the kids

You get faint recollections of your mother’s sigh, countryside drive
And the landscape seen from the window of the backseat with some flowers in a basket

That afternoon after school you and your older sisters
Found your parents in the kitchen at the table
Father lifting off the lid of the box

And a hush fell over everything like a funeral prayer
A reverence, ancestral, heavy in the air

Though you didn’t understand what it meant
That they never said her name aloud around you
Even sitting at the table with her things they’d kept
You recall faintly cards, tiny clothes, and the smell of the paint in the upstairs bedroom
Until then you didn’t know that’s what the box had held

Your parents tiptoeing slowly around always speaking in code

No, they never said her name aloud around you
Only told you it was perfect where your sister went
And you didn’t understand why it hurt them so much then that she’d come and left so soon
Could only guess inside your head at what a “stillbirth” meant
Only knew that mother wept

You watched while father held her, said “some things come but can’t stay here.”
You saw a brightness
Like a light through your eyes closed tight then she tumbled away.

From here, some place
To remain in the nighttime shadows she made
To be an absence in mom, a sadness hanging over her
Like some pentacostal flame, drifting on and off
She was “sister,” only whispered.
Sometimes “her” or
“The child we lost.”

You were visions
A vagueness, a faded image
You were visions

You were a flame lit that burned out twice as brightly as the rest of us did
When you left, you were light, then you tumbled away

There are shadows that fall still here at a certain angle
In the bedroom on the nightstand by your mother’s side
From the light left on there

There’s the box in the closet, all the things kept
And the landscape where she left
Flowers on the grave, marble where they etched that name
And mother cried the whole way home

But she never said it once out loud
On the way back home from where you thought they meant
When they said where sister went

After grandpa got hospice sick and he couldn’t fall sleep
They wheeled his stretcher bed beside her at night
And I saw the light

On the day that he died
By their bed in grandma’s eyes
While us grandkids said our goodbyes

She said “don’t cry”
Somewhere he holds her
Said a name I didn’t recognize
And the light with all the shadows combined

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